HD in Effect

Superpowerful Humanoid: The Q-B Kid

2012-02-08T10:38:00.000-05:00

The New York Daily News headline was so sure it got things right.
"Runaway D-train mysteriously switches over to E-line during Rush Hour!"
Actually, they did get it half-right.
That R-68 did take a sharp curve after Rockefeller to join the Queens Boulevard line. But it stopped for good at Briarwood-Van Wyck--not Kew Gardens-Union Turnpike, as Mike Lupica had reported. So much for top-notch journalism there.
The motorman behind the wheel was convinced it was a malfunction. "Sometimes when you take these older trains out on their route," he told the dailies, "they tend to do things they're not supposed to."
Like transforming into a runaway train going at 70 mph, 10 mph over its usual top speed? Bypassing numerous stations it wasn't even supposed to go to? Terminating at one specific station for the entire night, unable to move again without transit agents coming in and restarting it?
Um, we'll take a "no Shiznit" for $200, Alex.
They were all convinced this was some freak accident. It didn't matter that the pregnant woman went into labor during the wild ride and gave birth to a baby with a Stewie-esqe head, a consequence of the high speeds. Or that the elderly WWII vet from Rochester out to see his son way up in Norwood was in the throes of a heart attack before magically recovering and returning to his seat, like nothing had happened. As far as the bribing, media-buddied MTA was concerned, this was just a regular rush hour with an unexpected twist.
There's no way some punk kid from Queens could've possibly made this happen by activating the switch track to 5th Av/53rd Street after 47-50th, telekinetically pushing the lever to its limit, right? Even though he was the only one to calmly get off the train after opening the doors with a snap at Briarwood (which nobody noticed, by the way).
And when it happened again on the 7 train last week? Even less spectacular, though I don't think anyone can remember a time when the 7 had any stops beyond Flushing-Main Street. The Bayside stop right next to MS 158; the one at Bay Terrace, next to the shopping center; and the one at Whitestone, mysteriously ending at a street level embankment next to the Whitestone Bridge, blended in with the scenery so well it's as if a mystical entity created it. Only such a power could've crafted these transportation works overnight.
"All illusions," Dr. Joseph Celto of Brooklyn College would go on to tell the media hounds 24 hours later.
"But doctor, we could clearly see, hear and even touch these new stations," NY1 anchor Lewis Dodley had asked him right under the Whitestone stop in a special, hastily prepared News In The Morning edition interview.
"That in itself is an illusion," he would repeat. "What you are actually seeing is a process called 'elliptical distortion'."
"Elliptical distortion? I took science as a major, but I've never heard of that phenomena being used in this capacity."
"Oh, it's not what those science books have told you. It's rather quite simple," Celto said. "It's a condition where a mass of people in a particular urban area, such as New York City, experience a simultaneous mind spasm which causes them to believe they are seeing and hearing physical structures that actually aren't there."
"But why does it feel so real? Even though the Transit police have shuttered the entire elevated embankment from Main Street to here, it still felt so cold when I ran my hands over it."
"Ah," Joseph gestured with his index finger. "That's the distortion working its magic on your entire senses."
It should be mentioned that Professor Celto not only got his "elliptical" theory from an episode of the 60s Batman series starring Adam West, but that his "Doctorate" from DeVry was actually a scribbled mass of green, gray, yellow and amber crayon on cardboard paper hanging from his apartment mantle. The Q-B Kid had no problems laughing at the spectacle from his secret, conjured-up room in Trump Towers, complete with a 100-inch flat-screen.
His doppelganger pet monkey back at the apartment where he regularly lives with his mother was doing a great job fooling everyone. He also filled in for him at school on days he didn't feel like going. Universal Mind Control sure does a great job of making people think a crap-throwing primate is actually a human student who just happens to smell like Newark.
The MTA cleared the D train in Queens, but he decided to keep the 7 train structures extended to Whitestone for a few more weeks. They tried taking it down with chain saws and all types of construction equipment, but to no avail.
He even rode to those sections a few times when authorities weren't paying attention.
When he's not busy moving trains, he spends the rest of his time shooting up the water jets under the Unisphere in Flushing Meadows-Corona Park, giving the Colombian kids and Mexican futbol players something to look forward to in the weeks before spring officially hits. The Parks Department can't figure it out either.
The valves aren't supposed to deploy this early, but at this point, the city's given up on understanding just why these occurrences are happening. He also takes the time to secretly communicate with the rock pigeons who congregate with the sweatpanted, raggy T-shirted crackheads across the street from Madison Square Garden. Hell, "The World's Greatest Arena" is where he holds his annual pigeon races with other friends who share his gifts.
With what he does, there's been some close calls here and there as well.
One of the closest was the time when he was making sand formations in Rockaway Beach at 12 am. That 500 sq foot NYC replica sticking out from the dunes, coupled with his awkward hand gestures, quickly drew NYPD attention. An auxiliary officer charged with clearing the beach ran to the makeshift sand city, but he didn't know the Kid hates cops.
Soon as he stepped on the sand, "BOOM." The officer, a surly man no shorter than 6'8 and looking like a stocky muscle-builder, flew 500 feet into the murky water. Unconscious upon impact, the last remaining figure on the beach was the Kid, hand extended as if he'd just let off a Dragonball Z energy blast.
His eyes glowed a serene red, complementing his flexed bicep on the other arm. His "Deadpool" fitted seemed to shout "Chi-Chi Mangas!" as the cop left his feet. He was almost statuesque in appearance, nary moving a muscle until the law ahead was unable to keep enforcing.The shooting arm calmly returned to his side once he knew the danger was over.
Even though he had a titanic rage against the pigs, he knew he couldn't kill with his talents. Karma is still a bitch, and she don't forget easily. The officer landed face up, sure to regain consciousness within mere hours. He would awake, forget this whole ordeal happened, and decide to play an impromptu game of "Harass The Dominican on the A train." once it got to the Heights.
But Little Man, he was the biggest close call. The Q-B Kid would stop playing around from time to time and return home, throwing the monkey into his closeted space upon returning. He needed these times to return to being a normal kid. Moments where he would just re-accept his mortality. Using his talents was a no-no as soon as he returned to this world.
As average as he could be, he'd walk in through the main entrance, oblivious to the little tyke with a chipped Captain America doll in one hand and toothbrush in another. That was always the combination. Whenever the Q-B Kid would get home, Little Man in 5E always had that plastic contraption squeezed in his left digits. His Colgate brush from the dentist would be snuggled within the right.
For all his powers, the Q-B Kid seldom noticed him, save for a few random talks about African-spurred tortoises. But Little Man knew. He knew from the moment he saw him pointing at the doberman who lived over on 133rd Drive. The dog would get up and start walking with him like a person, long as he kept his fingers in a clasped motion. Once he stopped, the big pup would get back on all fours.
He never suspected that Little Man was aware. Shoot, he was probably no older than 5 years old. How much does the average 5-year old know?
On the morning after the 7 train fiasco, the Q-B Kid was ready to head out to school. A day's worth of hijinks, including turning on TV's during class with his eyes and making the printers print in Mandarin, lay just beyond the front door. A step away from the building's exit, a voice came into hearing range.
"Mister?" It was Little Man from right above, 5E, decked in his PJ's and doll-and-brush gear. He turned around to face the kid.
"What's your name?"
Flashing a quick smile, he turned around, lifted his sweater hood up and pointed to two letters printed on the back: HD.

Credit for the picture goes to impawards.com

U-Mad? Funniest Memes/Pictures from the Big Game

2012-02-07T12:25:00.000-05:00

If you're a New Yorker, you know that one of your hometown teams (no, not the basketball one-maybe in 2080?) just took home the Lombardi Trophy for the state. While the Giants' victory over the Patriots Sunday was sweet, the images it produced were even sweeter. We've collected some of the funniest and saddest ones below.

1. We'll never understand just why sports fans get so emotional over a game. But when they do, it's sure funny as fudge to poke fun at them.

2. Ahmed Bradshaw not only saved the Superbowl for his team with this touchdown, but he decided to turn around at the last second and play-defecate on the goal line rather than simply run towards it. We give him an A++ for epic awkwardness.

3. We're posting this on Tuesday, but we're sure that's 200 million light hours ahead of this place, so it's probably still Sunday there right now.

4. Yeah, it's not as funny as the ones above, but it serves its purpose of rubbing salt in the wound. That's all we ask for.

5. He ~~doesn't exist!~~ 's too busy at the moment. Apparently too busy to help Mr. Brady prove he's the best quarterback in the league. At least he's not alone. God also ignored Tim Tebow's cries for help.

Credit for pictures goes to 2.bp.blogspot.com, 1.bp.blogspot.com and 3.bp.blogspot.com

Extra credit goes to the New York Daily News at http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/football/giants/super-bowl-xlvi-giants-fans-rejoice-win-patriots-gallery-1.1017753.
Now please don't come after us with any angry e-mails about us stealing from you guys.

United Federation Teachers Convention

2012-02-05T14:53:00.000-05:00

Yesterday the United Federation of Teachers assembled at the Graduate Center For Worker Education in Downtown Manhattan, gathering to discuss ways to improve the UFT for all educators and students.
We were there to scope the scene and recorded some Occupy Wall Street-inspired "mic-checks" from the audience of different people explaining why they were at the convention. You can hear them at this link, that link, and that one.
We would've included the videos here, but the interface is making it hard to position them and only one showed up in the Insert Video section for YouTube. We're working on getting around that.

501st Post: 5 Better Things To Do Other Than Watching The Superbowl

2012-02-04T08:49:00.000-05:00

HD's Disclaimer: We just realized that the Carnegie Trollin' Piece was actually our 500th post, so yeah. parties and stuff. Moving on..

Tomorrow, the New York Giants will attempt to take home another SuperBowl championship against their arch-rivals, the New England Patriots.
While we're confident Big Blue can pull out yet another victory over Tom Brady and his pals, we also know that this time of year can either be heartbreaking or just flat out boring for certain people
(FYI: If you're not an angry girlfriend whose man will tune you out Sunday night or someone who doesn't care for football, you can stop reading here).
Everyone else fall in those categories? Good. We at HD in Effect have compiled a short list of 5 other things you can do that so totally rock out louder than watching a bunch of guys throw a ball around for 4 hours.

5. The PuppyBowl: Nothing on the planet is cuter than a bunch of puppies, Wait, we lied. Nothing is cuter than a bunch of puppies going at it with some pigskin. On every SuperBowl Sunday since 2004, Animal Planet has presented the PuppyBowl, filled with the cuddliest little athletic canines this side of a Disney movie. This year will feature Meep The Bird, who'll tweet about the game as it happens; and a pep squad filled with huggable piggies, only second in cuteness. Check http://animal.discovery.com/tv/puppy-bowl/ for your local listings.

4. Watching reruns: You won't be able to see any new episodes of Family Guy, American Dad or the Simpsons on Fox Sunday night. Why not spend that time playing back all the episodes you've DVR'ed so far? It's like 99% filled, so you might as well. If your cash flow doesn't allow for such cool knacks, pick up a copy of Seinfeld: Season Whatever! They're all great seasons, regardless of choice.

3. Bar Hops: Bars on SuperBowl night are crammed to the nines. You may not care for what's happening on the TV screens, but you can snag some pretty sweet food and drink deals at many city watering holes during the game. And you'll be crammed in-between sweaty guys who haven't washed their lucky Giants jerseys since 2008! Head on over to http://www.clubplanet.com/Articles/2570/The-Best-Bars-to-Watch-the-Super-Bowl-in-NYC to see a list of some cool bars that will be popping in the next 24 hours, courtesy of ClubPlanet.

2. Halftime show: Save room for the halftime show, where our earlier prediction about Lady Gaga's transformation from our Top 10 2012 piece is sure to come true, and all else that's planned. Let's hope those plans include another singer mangling the Star-Spangled Banner and another wardrobe malfunction.

1. SuperBowl commercials: The best thing people who don't care for the game can do is watch its awesome commercials. Remember Oprah getting Jay Leno and David Letterman under the same roof in 2010? The Thriller Gekos from 2008? Who knows what this year will bring? And that's the fun in it. To whet your appetites for this year, watch this collection of past Superbowl ads.

And if the Giants win, you can run out and scream naked in the streets like the rest of NYC will. If those Pickled Pats get the duke, you can go back to the bar to help your Big Apple brethren drown their sorrows. Another win-win situation.

Credit for the picture goes to http://www.superbowl-commercials.org/

Carnegie's Trollin..We Hatin

2012-02-03T08:18:00.000-05:00

We found this love advertisement attached to a post at the corner of 125th St and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr Boulevard.along St. Nicholas Avenue yesterday night.
According to the ad, the person here searching for a soul mate is "Tall, strongly built looking for a caring, long-term relationship."
At least that's what we thought, before we looked at the link attached to the paper, which actually brought us to Carnegie Hall's main page.
Turns out this is a cleverly worded and placed advertisement for one of New York City's most renowned musical habitats. Perhaps the smartphone icon in the lower right corner should've clued us off?
This reminds us of those "BAM And Then It Hits You" ads the Brooklyn Art Museum's been posting all over the subway recently. Both marketing campaigns express a desire to foster close, interpersonal relationships with New Yorkers.
Touche on getting us, Carnegie. Be on the listen for a possible call from the HD in Effect offices within the coming days.

Druggin It: Is Weed Really That Bad?

2012-02-01T10:12:00.001-05:00

We've all seen and heard it before:

The endless media bunk designed to keep people away from that paraphernalic plant. Weed is everything bad and nothing good, lest to keep giving rapper Wiz Khalifa a career.
Dat Chronic is playin' mind games, turning our brains into hypothetical eggs scrambled across frying pan bottoms and giving our dogs the power of speech, as per this 30-second short.
These commercials worked so effectively on us back when we were kids, but does their message still hold power?
Is weed really that bad? Or is there more to Cannabis Sativa than the surface?
We at HD in Effect aren't entirely convinced that weed is the Satanic creation that destroys people's lives.
Considering we've walked past people who smoked cigarettes and people who've smoked weed, with the cig users affecting our sinuses and the weed not giving us the slightest irritation, we suspected a jig in play. To that end, we hit the streets and the innanets to see what's really up with Ms. Mary Jane.
Tempted by its rebellious allure, Dany, a Harlem native, admits to having tried weed in the past. While he never really got into it, he doesn't believe the government is doing much good by keeping the drug illegal.
"I don't see how legalizing weed would hurt or harm society. I don't understand why the government stigmatizes the whole marijuana thing," the CCNY senior says.
"Almost everybody at a certain point in their lives has used it and it's like everything else. It's like tobacco and alcohol and all these other substances. If there is some moderation, it should be okay for people to use it."
"If alcohol is legalized and if tobacco is legalized, why isn't marijuana? I would put it under the same level as those depressants."
Yes, Dany. While not entirely like other drugs, why is weed pushed off to the naughty bin while his seemingly safer cousins freely wreck havoc on the American public?
According to the Above The Influence website, weed smoke contains 50-70% more carcinogenic hydrocarbons than cigarette smoke. These hydrocarbons force your cells to begin dividing rapidly, a condition that usually leads to cancer.
However, a health summary by the National Cancer Institute, a subdivision of the National Institutes of Health, challenges these claims on the basis of causing malignancy.
The summary found that among conflicting reports of increased cancer risks in people who smoked weed, the drug actually contains numerous health benefits for cancer patients. These include appetite stimulation, decrease in pain and improved sleeping patterns.
Cannabinoids, a compound only the cannabis plant can produce, may even help prevent tumor growths.
During a two-year study where mice and rats received the cannabinoid compound, the animals showed a lower chance of developing hepatic adenoma and hepatocellular carcinoma tumors, both of which can cause liver cancer.
They also had decreased chances of developing benign tumors in their organs.

These protections are tied to the cannabinoids' potential anti-tumor effects, including preventing cell growth and killing extra cells. The summary also suggested that in a non-inhaled form, such as medicine, weed could provide even greater health benefits.
Yet despite all these scientific breakthroughs, the government refuses to budge on its anti-weed stance. In 1951, Congress classified weed as a narcotic drug with no medical benefits under the Boggs Act.
This garnered anyone who possessed cannabis or heroin a minimum two-year sentence and a maximum five-year sentence, with increased length for multiple violations. While the Boggs Act was repealed in 1970 due to its failure in curbing drug use in the 60s, the boys in Washington actually distributed weed to hospital patients with certain ailments through the Compassionate Use Investigational New Drug Program a mere eight years later.
When President Bush Sr. ended the program in 1992 because of the large number of AIDS patients using it to combat anorexia and wasting syndrome, he unknowingly helped spark the medical cannabis movement across the nation.
So the government classified weed as a dangerous drug, reneged on that classification, allowed sick people to use it in their convalescence, then repealed its use when it found the drug was actually helping AIDS victims!
What a tangled web we weave.
The idea that weed is more harmful than helpful seems ludicrous to many habitual and former smokers, including Jones. While he's sworn off the green for the foreseeable future, Jones cites weed as having let him realize some important things in his 20 years.
"It helped me get a better sense of life," the Astoria native says. "It made me see that not everything people tell you is bad. Things actually aren't that bad until you make them that way yourself." Even though he also says he developed an addiction that affected his schoolwork ("weed killed my wallet"), Jones still feels there's no real harm in lighting up every now and then for enlightenment.
In addition to puffing up 2-3 times a week to unwind (down from almost every night in his freshman years), Peter Arvo tokes on the 420 to tune up his instrumental prowess.
"I play music and it can help you a lot in that area. It puts you in an enjoyable state of mind. If you ask a botanist about the chemical make-up of weed and hold it up to a cigarette, they'll tell you the joint's the least harmful for you."
"You got tons of people in jail for selling it when it's just a plant. It's kind of ridiculous. It's wrong for the government to restrain a person from organic things that grow out of the ground."
Arvo warns though that the sativa strains of the current century pack a lot more oomph than what older heads were used to.
"The weed of today is 8-10 times stronger. With it being so much more powerful and after prolonged use over the years, I feel it has a stronger effect on the mind. Back then you would take five or six puffs for one of our puffs in terms of your elevation of high. You take one puff now and there's some weed that totally zonks you out, whereas back in they day they didn't have the art and mastery behind crafting all the hybrid plants."
Arvo's also seen the damage this powerful breed can do.
"I have friends who are 30 years old and have been smoking for 15 years. You can tell their memory is really bad. The weed has really taken a toll. In older people who grew up smoking in the 60s and 70s, you don't see it that much."
The National Organization For The Reform Of Marijuana Laws, a public-interest advocacy group clearly on the green team, noted the media's bias against weed over the decades.
"Without a Reefer-Madness-Oriented Press from 1935 to about 2000, it's hard to imagine Cannabis Prohibition could have taken hold and lasted over 60 years longer than the government's previously failed social experiment with alcohol's prohibition," NORML said via e-mail.
In the legal battles between NORML and the Drug Enforcement Administration from 1972-1994 over marijuana prohibition, DEA chief law judge Francis Young even stated that "cannabis is the safest therapeutic known to man...it is safer than most foods we eat. Cannabis has a remarkable record of safety and efficacy," another fact the e-mail touched on.
NORML also pointed out that the Center For Disease Control has cited tobacco usage with causing 400,000 premature deaths per year, with no such records for marijuana in the country.
We're not advocating for marijuana use in any form here. Hell, we live straight-edge around these parts. Whether you choose to smoke it or not is your determination.
But the next time you see or hear about cops busting people in your neighborhood for weed possession while ignoring the folks who walk past with cigarettes-which have been proven to be much more dangerous-ask yourself why most people might see nothing wrong with this picture.

Credit for pictures goes to collegedj.net and grindtv.com.

Queens Story

2012-01-31T13:04:00.000-05:00

HD's Disclaimer: I wrote this a while ago after reading a book where people from Q-Boro talked about their experiences growing up there. You may find this similar to my HD's Mini-Memoir Assignment For Sociology piece.
This one is more focused on Queens though, so take a look if you want.

Make no mistake about it. While Staten Island is the gold standard for under-appreciation in New York City, Queens is a close runner up. We still have the stigma of being that place with the neatly lined Victorian houses, trimmed lawns and utter silence on the social relevance scene.
Even with Long Island City becoming a haven for trendy outdoor museums, the hair raising reputation belonging to the Queensbridge Projects and a guy who occasionally web swings around Forest Hills in a red and blue costume, we're at the back of the lunch line in terms of popularity, playing jacks with Richmond County.
As a 5 year old, I knew nothing about my borough's perceived boringness. All I knew was that we lived in a tiny, one-bedroom apartment in Lefrak City, Corona, each of the 40 acre apartment complex's buildings divided by country.
My mother and I resided on the 4th floor of the Sydney building. I can't say it was the cleanest place to live in. Roaches also rented out Lefrak and lounged around our apartment without paying on time.
The only place you could find refuge from the four-legged insects was outside the apartments, which weren't much better.
The gray-lined stairways reeked of urine and greeted residents with graffiti and the ever growing feeling that someone was hiding behind the next landing with a knife, waiting to stab anyone who came up. With their wide doors and tendencies to stall in-between floors, the building's elevators did little to kill my fear of them in general. However, I did look forward to pressing their fat, circular call buttons which popped out of their panels, looking like metal marshmallows.
Looks pushed aside, I enjoyed spending my time within and beyond those brownish-red 17 floor structures. My weekdays comprised of going to the nearby Ms. Johnson's Little Tots Academy at the intersection of 99th Street and 57th Avenue, a special kindergarten specializing in educating young African-American males (ironically, all the teachers were female). Located directly under an apartment building, the school was actually a small room with a few tables, a TV and two bathrooms, one for boys and the other for girls. As a consequence, we sometimes had to bring toilet paper to classmates when they were taking care of "business" and needed to wipe.
Our afternoon naps were more like breaks with our eyes closed and a drill sergeant looming over us, ready to scream orders through a megaphone. Halfway through the teachers would violently shake us awake and march us to the now-defunct Queens Library location right next to the Horace Harding Expressway. Here we would have to do math problems for hours on end. The worst part was, we couldn't leave until every student had finished their work.
Since math was my kryptonite (and still is), I was often the last to finish, 30-60 mins after everyone else. For this, I received the honorary name of "slowpoke", but I digress.
I mostly looked forward to the afternoon, when school would be out and my dad would come pick me up. It was one of the few times I got to spend quality time with my old man. We'd return to the apartment and I'd watch Scooby Doo cartoons on the tube while he slept lazily on the couch behind me until my mom came home and he would return to his house in Jamaica. My weekends were reserved for rollerblading through the hallways with friends and going to Queens Center Mall in nearby Elmhurst with dad to eat chicken nuggets from McDonalds in the original food court, way before they moved it to the new wing in 2004
When I turned 7 we moved to Parkway Village in Jamaica.
A collection of post WWII colonial homes, the co-op had a distinct, natural charm in juxtaposition to the concrete and metal living contraptions just outside its reach. The red-bricked, two and three story townhouses, with paint chips adorning the support columns and red doors, were begging for exploration. With Nicky, a friend I met shortly after moving to the area, we did just that, biking and scooting around Parkway every chance we got.
Halloweens were never uninteresting with the 37 acres of trees and bush at our reach. And the noise level paled in comparison to the decibels emanating from Main Street and Queens Boulevard.
Our migration would draw another path from Jamaica to Flushing at Joyce Gardens, a co-op of similar design to Parkway. I started attending middle school at MS 158 in Bayside, a good 35-40 minute ride on the Q33. In between dodging bullies, becoming somewhat of a bully myself and a few fights here and there, our new location gave me more chances to explore.
Flushing is a pretty docile place, perhaps the stereotypical Queens neighborhood. There's more of those fine, trimmed houses with peace loving neighbors; the largest Queens Library Branch, which looks like something out of a futuristic movie with its edged green glass design; and the largest concentration of Koreans in the city, according to demographic numbers (Oops, just missed a chance to plug that ever present d-word that ends with y that Queens can't seem to escape).
The intersection of Main Street and Roosevelt Avenue is said to be the third largest commercial district in the city, lined with stores. There's the Korean food markets to satisfy the dominant population (even the KFC and McDonalds use the Korean alphabet in their menus.). American fanfare with burger bars and mocha latte shops also make guest appearances. Living within a stone's throw of Flushing's coolest section, I loved taking the Q44 down there and immersing myself in a different world.
Of course, no real Queens native would deserve the title without acknowledging the other treasure that lies in the neighborhood: Flushing Meadows-Corona Park. A part of my life from 5 years-old onward, I can remember riding the park's carousel every week with my kindergarten classmates and visiting the petting zoo, right across from the Queens Zoo. Though attractions like the iconic 12-story tall Unisphere, Hall of Science and Shea Stadium were technically located in the park's Corona section, let's not say it's Corona and call it Flushing.
High school brought my return to education in Manhattan, but Queens still stays in my heart to this day. I love how you can hear Urdu, Spanish and Russian within a 4-block radius. Though I do wish more Queens people were born and raised here so they'd rep the boro and give Brooklyn a run for its nationalistic pride, nowhere else in New York City is that possible!
We're a place of only's. The only borough with an Olympic-sized swimming pool. The only borough with an outdoor graffiti museum. The only borough with a high ropes adventure course. The only borough with remaining farm land. And as of November 2011, the only borough with a casino. While that last one might be debatable in terms of usefulness, we can still claim it!
Queens people come from all walks of life. We don't get the recognition we deserve. There's so much to do and see on this landmass. I still have a list of things to do and see in Queens before I expire. Top on that list is to live in Long Island City-my dream neighborhood. Chances are with my English BA, I'll never be able to afford it. But a man can dream, and enjoy endless visits to the legendary 7 train, can't he?

Credit for picture goes to 2.bp.blogspot.com.

Evening Post: Once Again, An Anonymous F

2012-01-30T18:56:00.001-05:00

We're not even gonna bother putting up a womp, womp video this time for our favorite hackers. Just look at this picture instead to gauge our feelings on their latest bomb after the fact. Nuff said.

Credit goes to garderobe-soldout.blogspot.com for the picture.

New Writing Gig?

2012-01-27T10:50:00.000-05:00

Things on the job front are looking up for yours truly. Yesterday I got the following in my e-mail folder:

Hi there -

Thanks for your interest. Just so you have a sense of the kind of content that we need you can check out www.bigcastro.com. As you can see, the quality of the writing is currently not up to par and has not even been copy-edited - hence the writer search. We are in the process of compiling a list of potential contributors that we can keep in rotation and we should be getting back to everyone again over the next week. If you're receiving this email, you've made the shortlist. Huzzah!

We don't have a hefty budget right now but we are willing to negotiate to get the right people on board. If you haven't already done so, please send on your expected compensation per article.

According to its about section, BigCastro is "curated, produced, and edited by a band of friends living in New York City. It chronicles our life, it highlights our passions; it shines a spotlight on the gems found in the ether of life. This website serves as our soapbox."
I call it a hipster blogging orgy of epic proportions. One I might be joining very soon.

Credit goes to BigCastro.com for the picture

Whut Iz It?

2012-01-25T11:00:00.000-05:00

We found this thingamagojamigiggaboggidyklingin while strolling along Midtown late yesterday afternoon.
Situated across from the U.N. at the intersection of United Nations Way and 1st Ave at E. 47th St, we spent a good 7 minutes circling it and taking more shots.
It also made some noises that sounded like a cross between a whale and an alien.
From this angle, it kinda looks like a cross between a mangled Jeep, some kitchen cabinets and a spaceship.

E.T.'s whip, perhaps?

Anyways, go see it. NOW.

For Real??

2012-01-24T12:12:00.000-05:00

These sons of bitches better not be playing this time. We might lend a hand in helping crash Mark Zuckerburg's child on the 28th. But we don't know yet. Will you?

NSFW: Porno And The Boss

2012-01-23T11:24:00.000-05:00

Just about everyone who's ever worked can attest to having at least one not-so-average boss. Interpreting "not-so-average" both ways, that can include bosses who've made us smile by moon- walking around the office every morning and bosses who've touched under our clothing with one hand while holding ginormous stacks of cash in the other, saying, "This won't be a problem, will it?"
My last boss falls deep into the latter category. Those of you who've been reading HD in Effect like diligent little lab rats might recall me referencing a work situation at the start of our 2011 Comic-Con Journal: Wrap Up back in October.
The boss in question (lets call him Mr. Lansley) was a strange fellow indeed. And I found out just how idiosyncratic on my first day as his intern back in August 2011.
After he handed me a laptop I was supposed to use for data-entry work, I went to another room to begin my assignments. When I flipped up the lid, I found that the computer had been in sleep mode. Four Internet Explorer pages were running, one of them appropriately titled, "Doggy style anal sex cumshot in her mouth."
Floored by this discovery, I didn't have much time to react before Lansley called me back to his office. Taking the laptop, he opened the browser, saw the page, made a grimace I'll never forget, then promptly deleted his filthy little Internet fantasy before returning it to me. Being the obscenely smart person I am, I played dumb and took the laptop back to my space, breaking out in muffled laughter as soon as I hit my seat.
Since my internship entailed off-site work, I took the liberty of looking up the machine's history. The above photo-shot proves that on the day before I started interning with Ramsay on August 2nd, someone was getting their rocks off using Spankwire on his work-sanctioned laptop.
His previous intern had left months ago, and he was the only person who worked on the news website in the office and had access to the Mac. So using the process of elimination, I deduced that the award-winning journalist was rubbing em' out in between recording video segments in his office. Why, oh why didn't I wash my hands after touching that keyboard?
Looking back on the incident, I realize three huge clues as to why Lansley was (literally) jizzing all over his rented space.
One, he has a sexual harassment case in his rear-view mirror. Two, he made comments to me about how he's gonna miss seeing hot chicks in bikinis as the summer winded down. Three, the professor who referred me to him later told me that because of number one, she purposely didn't send any female interns his way. Ru-roh.
All interesting behaviors aside, I'm proud to report that Mr. Lansley's wife won't have to worry about him swinging to the other side; he never made any attempts to play strudel games with me. I can't say he hasn't tried pushing up on any young broads who've made their way to his office though. Or that he hasn't pulled an R. Kelly all over any. But Ms. Ramsay might want to sniff her man's junk, just to make sure.
And in an interest of fairness, there's absolutely nothing wrong with keeping some private smut on your laptop. It's when you bring said giggity ga-giggity material into the workplace that it becomes a problem. Porn is something for the sexually-hyped crowd of adventurous women and card-carrying members of the Skyrim club.
Not those who only put in the mandated 5-10 hours per week-namely those who put in 40-90 hours with nothing else to do but fap when they're too tired to hold the controller.
There's a moral to this story, but what is it? The rough grind of the journalism field produces horny reporters? People should choose a little more variety in their erotic connoisseury, besides anal videos? You should probably use Lysol the next time you accidentally find images of Latina women doing freaky stuff on the laptop you have to use for work?
Let's go with the third one.

The Aged vs The Ageless

2012-01-20T15:32:00.001-05:00

We at HD in Effect know we haven't spent much time roaming this carbon-based ball.
We don't know anything about how BetaMax and VCR's work.
Or why Elvis was the greatest singer in history, and how the old-time conspiracy theorists determined the original video feed of Apollo 11's 1969 moon landing was so obviously doctored that no kid would ever get it. We understand that completely.
What we don't quite get, however, is the incessant need for old folks to remind us of our malleable youth.
In the ever-festering war between the 40-70 somethings who know too much and the 20-30 somethings who only know the latest contestant to get eliminated from Dancing With The Stars, there's always been that one constant, condescending quip of "I've been doing this since before you were born."
Oh, goodness for us.
Case in point, our resident writer HD was recently at his local library and twiddling about when he saw an EID-Elderly In Distress. Knowing his sworn civil duty to help the downtrodden, he rushed into action. The middle-aged woman was having a hard time using a scanner to scan her library card for computer usage. HD told her she was aiming the scanner below the bar-code and what did he receive for his kindness? "I know how to do it. I've been coming to this library since before you were born." Maybe he should've left her to drown in her knowitudinal capabilities.
Another run in similar to the "before you were born" meme was after a barbecue party last summer, where HD's mom's best friend showed off her new boyfriend. He had a nice persona and checked out well with most of us, except one. While we were leaving without her, another one of HD's mom's friends commented that the new guy was low-class.
Following his attempt to stand up for his mom's pal, who also happens to be his godmother, HD was met with: "Boy, I've been on this planet a lot longer than you. I know what I'm talking about." Surely, her not having a man in her life had nothing to do with her outburst.
Of course, when their tongues are tied, old folks also have the snappy retort of "What you know about that, youngin?" ready to go.
What we do know is that your high-top fades, puffy mullets and Charleston swings are relics from a time nobody knows about: the 1900s. Sure, textbooks have pages upon pages of supposed events from those bygone years. Documentaries will tell us about how comic books back then cost a nickel and the uproar when they started charging a dime for the latest Fantastic Four opus. And you'll get the occasional veteran bitchin' about Nam' here and there.
But can you be sure these people actually are from the last century? Is anyone from then (who hasn't slept in a Lazarus pit) still alive? Perhaps they're teenage Academy Award-winning actors with traveling plastic surgeons to make them look older. Besides, all those things archaeologists have found covering ye olden times could be forged, ya know?
We at HD in Effect even suspect that WWI and II were about as real as 9/11 (Bush did it). We'll change our mind when you older people can show us real proof from back then, like the DeLorean time machine from Back To The Future. Hell, we'll even take that knockoff at Universal Studios.
Moving on, what exactly is it that forces our beloved geezers to burst out in these impassioned throes at us? You guys already have it all-the house, the car and the AARP's. All we have are our bit torrents, flash mobs and planking.
We also have 4Chan, Foursquare, Dubstep, The Pirate Bay, blogging, Oovoo, Craigslist, UFC, Shonen, Beats headphones and just about everything else that infinitely makes us cooler. We give not a damn about how things were "back in the day," unless you can Tweet or text them to us. Please head to your local retirement homes post-haste! Single-lines!
Before you do that though, we do have one last thing to say.
Old people, you guys aren't all fart-bags who we hate cause we'll eventually become your replacement fart-bags. We just wanna be seen as adults, not some whippersnappers who you have to constantly assail with your youth shtick. So let's make a deal.
You guys stop talking about how you were around when we were tears in our fathers' eyes. In return, we'll stop updating our Facebook statuses while walking, blasting music on the subway and pull up our pants. See? We can be grown up just like you.

Credit goes to Current.com for the picture.

An Anonymous Takeover

2012-01-20T12:09:00.000-05:00

There's some good news on the SOPA front. And some even better news after the jump.
According to Google, over 7 million people signed its anti-SOPA petition to Congress during Tuesday's internet-wide blackout, which saw the search-engine powerhouse place a black box over its logo. Apparently, all those signatures are causing some in Washington to re-think their positions on SOPA.
13 lawmakers who originally co-sponsored the bill have decided to remove their support. These include Senators Marco Rubio of Florida, Roy Blunt of Missouri, Orrin Hatch of Utah, Ben Cardin of Maryland and John Boozman of Arkansas. Ya'll can look up the rest.
If politicians seeing just how jacked up this piece of totalitarian authority is isn't good enough, hacker group Anonymous made up for failing to shut down Facebook last November. The Guy Fawkes-masked internet vigilantes temporarily shut down the Department of Justice's website yesterday afternoon. This was done in response to the Department taking down Megaupload, a well-known and loved file-uploading site, 15 minutes prior.
What should be noted here is how useless SOPA is since the Digital Millennium Copyright Act already gives the government power to shut down pages that circumvent copyright laws ala Mega. We should know, since the DMCA's put us in its cross-hairs before.
We tried accessing the Justice.Gov URL, and it's back up as of now. But it took a pretty long time to load, suggesting that they were still recovering from Anonymous's attack. While they were at it, the group also silenced the Motion Picture Association of America, Recording Industry Association of America and U.S. Copyright Office websites. All three are back, but were experiencing massive slowdowns as well.
Some will say that Anonymous took things too far. Especially considering that people use the Justice page to search for jobs, look for sex offenders who might live in their neighborhood and report lost or missing people, among other things. We at HD in Effect say, sometimes you gotta go to extremes in order to protect your rights. As the great Malcolm X once said, "If you're not ready to die for it, take the word 'freedom' out of your vocabulary."
Side note: Ever wonder just why it is that Martin Luther King Jr., a well-known pacifist, gets a holiday named in his honor, but Malcolm Little, the man who advocated for getting what you want "by any means necessary," is nowhere near as celebrated as his civil rights counterpart? Stuff that makes you go "hmm."

Update: Megaupload is back online as of late last night. They're operating under a new IP address at http://109.236.83.66/ for now.

Picture credit goes to Appadvice.com

SOPA And Free Speech

2012-01-17T13:42:00.000-05:00

About 11 hours from now, some of your favorite websites will shut down. Not for good, but in protest of the Stop Online Piracy Act, which purports to combat internet piracy.
At at initial glance, SOPA seems like it could actually be the one good piece of legislation Congress has passed since The New Deal.
It would permit copyright holders and the Justice Department to place injunctions against websites believed to offer or support pirated music, movies and other media.
Using layman's terms, SOPA aims to prevent the rise of another Napster. Which makes sense, seeing as how the RIAA and musical heavy hitters such as Metallica sued the MP3 file-sharing program for freely sharing songs without any price tags, before it became legit.
It's when you dig deeper that the potential issues become apparent. Should SOPA pass, not only would ISP's have to prevent access to some of your favorite sites "suspected" of harboring un-copyrighted material, but search engines would suffer as well. Google and Yahoo would be forced to remove links to these sites, drastically reducing your search options for information on, let's say, that really important science project you have due tomorrow morning.
You may have noticed that sneaky "s-word" showed it's ugly face in the last paragraph. Hence another reason to not support SOPA.
Private companies who suspect websites of illegally using their copyrighted content could force ad companies and other sites to stop working with said websites.
Aside from the obvious loss in revenue this would cause, it could also break up relationships between internet clans. For instance, if eBay was believed to have links to sites supporting piracy, PayPal (an accepted form of payment on eBay) might have to sever business with eBay.
If you run a website with even one Kazaa-esqe link, the government would have the power to shut you down until you prove you weren't doing any business with them.
SOPA seems like it's trying to save Hollywood and the recording industry from losing millions to the World Wide Web, but giving private companies and politicians the power to shut down information superhighways, whether they're guilty of supporting piracy or not, is something we at HD in Effect can't support. Internet censorship is not cool. Expect us to get shut down by next month for using our supposed rights to blast gubb'ment sticking their big noses where they don't belong. Before that happens though, mosey on over to http://americancensorship.org/ to sign an anti-SOPA petition.

Facebook After Death

2012-01-16T11:41:00.000-05:00

Here's a kicker for Facebookers who always join those "When I die, I give my friends permission to change my status to 'Is Dead'"-ish pages.
Thanks to a new app called "If I Die," you can take things a step further and actually talk to your buddies while pushing up daisies. Well, not really, but, yeaaah. Let us explain.
Basically the app acts as a virtual will of sorts, allowing you to create final video or text messages for your friends and family. When you finally kick the bucket, and your closest three (chosen) confidants on the site confirm your death, your messages will be released onto your Facebook page for all to see.
We at HD in Effect don't really know what to think of the app. On one hand, it's nice that your budz and fam will be able to view your last known online communications. On the other hand, this gives us an uneasy feeling.
It's debatable as to whether releasing your last words on a social network haven is the right way to handle the situation, or something relegated only to those you'd trust your life with, safe from the Innanets. And in all honesty, we can't help but wonder if the people who'll see these remaining digital footprints will be too teary-eyed to pay full attention. Anyways, check "If I Die" out at the link.

RIP Samsung Store: 2003-2012

2012-01-14T10:13:00.000-05:00

For those of you who want to get your tech fix at the Time Warner Center, you're gonna have to go somewhere else.

When we at HD in Effect visited the store last week, this is what greeted us. A bunch of mini TV screens lined along a silver wall stood in place of the coolest thing to grace Columbus Circle since ever. The Samsung store-the only one in the country-is no mas.

And with Borders gone as well, there's pretty much no reason to visit the Shops At Columbus Circle anymore (barring Whole Foods and those cool-looking glowy stars that hang over the first floor).

Stories From Court

2012-01-12T11:18:00.003-05:00

As with any place that doles out justice to society's neer do'wells, the Queens Criminal Courthouse has a lot of stories to tell.
Within the last 15 months, its seen cases including two police officers accused of raping a drunk woman, a potty-mouthed JetBlue flight attendant and a man who firebombed Islamic and Hindu places of worship in Jamaica earlier this month.
But if you're like me, you live either behind or right next to your local criminal court. So you know that the stories also head outside, beyond the intense police detail and metal detectors. I've been host to a few of these wacky happenings in front of Queens County Court during the short time I've lived in Kew Gardens.
Before I continue, it would serve you well to understand just why I've encountered the nutjobs who skulk around here way past visiting hours.
Simply put, criminal courts=people who have just dealt with the system and need to find their way home (Also, the courthouse has a detention house for men in the back). More often than not, they're just getting out of the pokey, desperate for a hand out or free meal. My earliest meeting with one of these ex-cons/suspects was back around Spring 2010. I was doing some work for the site's "Outdoor Writing" piece and was finishing up when I saw this Hispanic dude approaching me from the corner of my eye.
Senses alert, I tensed up before he spoke. "Hey man," he started. His shirt was ripped and he looked like someone just kicked his ass...badly.
"I just got out of jail in the courts. The cops arrested me and beat me down cause I said, 'fuck you' to em." I braced for the inevitable "Can I borrow a dollar?" speech. After delivering it, he told me he needed the money to ride the 7 train so he could go to Corona, "where the Spanish bitches be at." He also mumbled some herky jerky about doing some black women on the side. Or something like that.
Nicely as possible, I turned him down, prompting him to wander off in search of someone who could get him a MetroCard.
The city must've drained its water supply of all the brainwashing fluoride afterward, since that was the last time anyone outside the courts bugged me. Until last year, that is.
Cue the "Gotta Help Another Nigro" files, since that's what dude who stopped me last month pulled. This one had the "Just got out of jail" and "dollar" speeches as preludes to the grand finale, which came right after my rejection. "Aw, why you gotta be like that, black man?" Cause I'm not down with the brothaz?

It's good to know that of all the strangies who straggle along the corner of Queens Boulevard and Hoover Avenue, not all of them have come to me looking for something. Case in point: the guy pictured to the left.
I found him standing on the corner in front of the courthouse with a message scrawled across what appeared to be a plastic container lid.
According to him, he was carrying that around because of cop harassment. Apparently, they'd arrested him after an altercation in a convenience store where they didn't even take in the other guy who started it. Po-Po also busted into his crib and arrested him for no logical reason.
So there you have it. The stories of a man who deals with this stuff on the daily. Anyone else live near their jurisdiction's criminal courts with some tales to tell?

Money Talks, Regular People Gotta Walk?

2012-01-10T11:34:00.001-05:00

As you surely know by now, Beyonce finally went and had her baby with Jay-Z this past Saturday. Blue Ivy Carter made her debut at Lenox Hill Hospital via C-section, and what an entrance it was.
Flanked by ceramic floors, white leather couches, bulletproof glass, heavy security and even a 42-inch flat-screen, the little heiress got a hint of what super-stardom tastes like before even speaking her very first word.
The hospital also worked overtime to make Blue comfty by reportedly accepting a $1.4 million payout by her parents to shut down the entire Neonatal intensive care unit to visitors.
That meant while Jigga was seeing his daughter prance forth from mommy's belly, other expecting mothers and fathers were kicked out of the unit. Ironically, one of those parents was another Bedford-Stuyvesant native.
"They [security] locked us into the NICU and would say, 'You can't come out into the hallway for the next 20 minutes", said Neil Coulon, who grew up in Jay-Z's former neighborhood and whose wife had just delivered their two premature twins. "When I finally was able to go back out, I went to the waiting room and they'd ushered my family downstairs!"
"This is the NICU. Nobody cares if you're a celebrity. Nobody is star gazing. They just want to see their children."
According to media sources, Coulon drove nearly 5 hours to see his newborns. Thwarted by the 03' Bonnie and Clyde, he also claims the ordeal stressed out his delivering wife.
Under regular circumstances, we at HD in Effect would relegate any baby Jayonce news to years from now, when she'll get in the papers for drunkenly crashing the limited edition 2028 Mazda with 3-D TV screens and voice-automated steering her father gets her for her 14th bday. But Lenox's supposed tom-fuckery here necessitated our first official rant of 2012.
If-and only if-this hospital actually allowed two people with extraordinarily deep pockets to shut down an entire section, it shows who these health care institutions really serve. We can't help but wonder if anyone from Lenox thought that kicking out other expecting parents was ethical or-we don't know-safe?
The hospital has released a statement claiming the payoff reports are not true and that nobody has come forth with allegations of being barred from the Neonatal unit. Coulon's testimony seems to throw a knife in those words. Whatever the case, it would appear Lenox has a lot of s'plaining to do.

Credit goes to the Daily Mail for Coulon quotes.

Welcome To The United Police States Of America

2012-01-09T12:10:00.000-05:00

While you were blissfully guzzling Roman Cokes and dancing away to Katy Perry on December 31st, our commander-in-chief was secretly signing the bill that allows him to indefinitely detain you for any reason he sees fit.
Just before the clock struck midnight, President Obama signed the National Defense Authorization Act into law. Even though Obama previously claimed he'd veto the controversial legislation if it came to his desk, he reneged on his vow, saying that he won't lock up innocents without giving them fair trials first. Did we forget to mention he broke his previous promise to not sign the bill unless it removed the detainment provisions?
You should also know that even if Obama keeps his word this time, future presidents will be free to bend the N-D-Double A to their will, locking up U.S. citizens on "suspicion" of terrorist activities for as long as they live.
That means if we get President Santorum, he'll detain gay fathers and place them in his secret "Gay To God's Holiness Program." President Gingrich will detain any women he deems hotter than his mistress-turned-third wife (hint: any woman who isn't her). President Paul should be better though, since he'll shut down Area 51 for good.
So just how does the U.S. plan on locking you up forever?
Enter FEMA.
A few weeks before the NDAA became law, KBR, the security corporation which oversees the agency's emergency camps spread out across the 50 states, created a response team to establish catering, laundry, fuel, shower and other services for each camp within a 72-hour period. Dismiss this as us siding with the paranoid, Alex Jones enthusiasts, but if you do, ask yourself just why your country prepared these centers for occupation weeks before it permitted life imprisonment sentences for anyone it so chooses.
The National Emergency Centers Establishment Act of 2009 empowers the Department of Homeland Security to create and manage similar emergency centers "to provide temporary housing, medical and humanitarian assistance to individuals and families dislocated due to an emergency or major disaster." However, another provision is somewhat more ambiguous as it pertains to what else the centers will be used for.
They'll also "meet other appropriate needs, as determined by the Secretary of Homeland Security." What exactly does that mean? Perhaps InfoWars isn't as shady a news source as some make it out to be.
What's even scarier than the government activating FEMA camps? Those adorable little portable burial vaults that have popped up near the Atlanta Airport!
Interestingly enough, Georgia is home to the Centers For Disease Control. And according to another blog we found here featuring their patent, the vaults are designed to hold cadavers and their fluids in such a way as to prevent disease from spreading.
In response to claims that the vaults will be used to hold the victims of U.S.-induced chemical warfare, science magazine "Popular Mechanics" posted an article saying that they maintain cemetery ground and are part of standard procedure when a body is put to rest. We're not entirely sure which side holds more weight at the moment, so we'll leave it to you to decide.
Getting back to the NDAA though, there's another underlying concern that people in the loop might not immediately consider. Racial profiling is a benchmark of police surveillance in America. With policies such as Stop And Frisk and SB 1070 that target Blacks and Hispanics, it was only a matter of time before a bill passed taking these activities a step further.
But in this post 9/11 world, there seems a great chance the NDAA will single out Arab/Muslim-Americans. Already dealing with paranoid security detail at airports, a strong wave of anti-Islamic sentiment and increased observation by the NYPD, it's only logical that holding the 21st century's scapegoat terrorists for life would come next.
Whatever does follow, know that you are officially living in a world our founding fathers never hoped for. Police increasing their brutal tactics against protesters and journalists at Occupy movements across the nation. Certain mayors boasting about using the Boys as their personal armies. And people getting hauled off to secret internment camps until they no longer breathe.
The next time you see what appears to be a tiny cable with lens sticking out at you from that crack in your room's wall, smile and say, "Hi Big Brother!"

Top 10 Things That Will (Might) Go Down In 2012

2011-12-28T11:37:00.000-05:00

Normally around this time, we at HD in Effect gather around our pseudo-realistic offices in the mind of a very strange man in Queens to determine our Top 10 news stories of the year.
But we wanted to switch it up on ya'll for once (and link back to our summer Top 10 predictions back in June). BTW, this'll be our last post before we go into hibernation status to recharge and come back better then ever in January. So with that in mind, hold on tight to this.

10. Tebowing Gets Trademarked: He's the most popular quarterback of the year, parodied on SNL and featured on every newscast's sports section in 2011. In 2012, expect Tim Tebow's Tebowing to make appearances during rap award show acceptance speeches, red carpets, every NBA game where the home team wins and even at your family reunions when your hustler uncle beats everyone else at Blackjack using extra cards under his sleeve.
The best part? Mr. Tebow is working to trademark the art of getting on bended knee and pointing to the sky. That means he'll get paid whenever you do his stance. Getting two checks from the NFL and stupid people at the same time sounds like marketing genius to us!

9. Jay-Z and Beyonce's baby: This is pretty much a given, but what's more blatant will be the media response to lil Jayonce Knowles-Carter. Will she come rollin' in a crib with tiny 24's as supports? Will she have to know the words to "Crazy In Love?" by heart? Will she have her dad's camel face? Oh, the wait is agonizing indeed.

8. Lady Gaga The Hermo: She was all over your TV sets and inside your headphones in 2011. Her sophomore effort, "Born This Way," pushed 1.08 milli in one week. She played Jesus in her "Judas" music video to religious fury. Jo Calderone emerged from Ms. Stefani Germanotta's heart at the MTV VMA's, raising further questions as to whether this woman was really a woman, a man, or both.
Rest assured, Lady Gaga will indeed make her sexual orientation clear in 2012. With the Gaganator, a silver costume emphasizing the human body parts, she shall wander into the Lucas Oil Stadium for Superbowl XLVl's half-time show. We will then gaze at her crotch, revealing a not too indecent but noticeable peen shape raised above a very hairy vulva shape. Lord Gaga will then take her rightful place as Ringmaster Of Entertainment.

7. Ultimate Reality: Looking for that one big reality show to end all reality shows, Viacom, Time Warner and News Corp bang their heads together to create "The Real Jersey Dancing Wives Club." The only show to give you catty women scratching at one another while simultaneously dancing and fist-pumping, it becomes a ratings smash, hitting a perfect 4.0 on Nielsen for its debut season. Talks for 12 more seasons immediately begin.

6. Same-Sex Marriage across the board: Every state legalizes gay marriage, even Texas. Okay, this is just us being dreamy, but its our list so w.e.

5. Obama 201...Not So Fast!: President Obama handily beats Ron Paul to chill in the White House for another 4 years. But just as the final returns are being counted, it's revealed that Florida pulled another 2000. Once the recount is done, we find that it's actually Paul who overtakes the Floridians and Washington. As president, Paul immediately sanctions states to do whatever they please with marijuana and their citizens. He also abolishes the Patriot Act, the Dream Act and gets rid of those secret microchips they hide in your vaccines. #udidntknow?

4. Another Arab world leader gets shot/dies/overthrown: Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi got fatally stabbed in his ass and shot in his head. Hosni Mubarak was chased from his position as Egyptian president and a whole bunch of Middle East leaders are abandoning their posts as well. Who's next to get popped? We're looking at you, Bashar-al-Assad. You too, Sharif Sheikh Ahmed. All those rapes and shootouts are gonna give out before long, man.

3. Facebook buys out Twitter: Here's the deal. Twitter is the greatest thing since Angry Birds. Facebook is the most invasive thing since government. To balance things out, and get a new toy for the new year, Mark Zuckerburg buys out the 140-character networking powerhouse in January 12'. He calls this new mashup FacialTwit. With such an enticing name, the new platform registers 900 million users during its first 6 months of operation.

2. Martial Law declared: With all the things going on-the NDAA, SB 1070, wiretapping and the like-it's hard to not see this happening. Complete military rule in 2012 seems like a perfect cap to all the revolutions, revolts and civil restrictions in 2011 and 2010. If martial law does happen next year, don't bother going to the police for any help.
Steal some guns, border up your house, only invite those you feel you can trust inside and get ready for some shit. Might we at HD in Effect suggest some revolutionary music for the hard times ahead? Rage Against The Machine's "Battle of Los Angeles" ought to do the trick. Especially "Calm Like A Bomb."

1. The Iran War: America's been poking Iran The Dog with a stick from behind a fence for years now. Economic sanctions on Iranian gas and food products. A suspected CIA agent spying in Tehran. Not to mention, the U.S. drone that recently found its way into Iran's airspace.
You gotta wonder just where this is leading up to. We know the answer: America is plotting full blown war with the world's 4th highest oil-producing nation to take full control of the petroleum-pushing Strait of Hormuz. Stealing all those nuclear weapons to add to our overflowing stockpile won't hurt either. And it won't be hypocritical. Cause we're America. We're perfect.

Of course, if that whole Mayan end of world stuff is true, then you've wasted your life reading this blog. And we couldn't be any more happier about that.

Merry X-mas...SIKE!

2011-12-25T11:56:00.000-05:00

You muthafuckas was too damn goody-goody to deserve jack shiznit this Christmas. No cutting school or running over homeless people or setting fire to children's shelters. Ya'll some goddamn disgraces. And with that, Santa has passed away and December 25th will forever be known as the day he died.

The End.

NYC Dreamin'

2011-12-24T11:23:00.001-05:00

In Daphne Uviller's "Super In The City", we meet Zephyr Zuckerman, the perfect speciwoman of the young, urban New York native.
A Big Apple socialite, Zuckerman eventually transitions into a sleuthy landlord of her parents' apartment building while being chased by the FBI, but not before exhibiting her mondaine personality, crashing fancy princesses' parties with her two close friends, hobnobbing with movie stars, trying to retain her sanity and surviving.
I remember reading about Ms. Zuckerman's exploits and wanting her tracks to personify themselves onto my life. Living at home as a 21-year old with polarizing hopes of seeing my name in MSG's lights and envisioning myself barely living on food stamps, I want to become the male variant to that Greenwich Village native who has to keep hothead NY tenants under control.
I want the bar hopping minus the guzzling, but seeing my friends gallivant with the other drunks along the LES every Saturday. To organize pot lucks in Red Hook and cheese for the inevitable straight-to-FB pictures. To break down in a pool of tears over being rejected for a job promotion and call my only friends as consolation totems to remove salt from my wounds.
Life as a bachelored, apartment sublet-paying bohemian with nothing but this website and haggered beginnings as some beat reporter for "Nobodies Monthly." It's almost like what my mom had when she was 23 and etching out an independent path in the town where anyone can make it. You know you'd want that too. You, the same progeny of parents who wanted it and got it. Don't you dare hide what's inside.
I'm not.

Obama and AIG: Pigs In A Blanket

2011-12-23T11:43:00.000-05:00

A recent report from The Washington Post shows the "Master Of Talking About Change" helped give a lot of it to Wall Street during his first two and a half years in office.
From 2009 through this year, businesses such as Citgroup and Wells Fargo amassed $82.52 billion under the Obama Administration. So much for taking out those "fat cat bankers."
That's $5.35 billion more than what they received during Dubya's time screwing up the country.
Even though this isn't entirely Obama's fault, with the $24.75 billion the securities industry lost before the 2008 economic crisis requiring bailout money, it still doesn't explain just how corporations managed to strike a record high $1.93 trillion during Q2 2011.
This broke another all time record of $1.68 trillion in Q4 2010. Corporate gains made up almost 90% of economic development in the 18 months after financial analysts claimed the recession ended in June 2009.
Following the announced end of the 2001 recession, when Bush was in office, their gains only made up 53%.
Of course, as the CEO's continue lining their pockets, regular people aren't getting any share of the generated wealth.
Unemployment is still at 9.2% and your prospects for a job are shrinking by the day, with government doing their part to make sure the only voice you hear when you call Verizon Customer Service is similar to the one you always hear at your local Dunkin' Donuts.
Well, now we know why Obama hasn't answered that OWS'er who slipped him a note at a recent campaign stop asking him for a hand in the movement.

Holy Shiznit: HIV Vaccine Testing

2011-12-22T09:09:00.000-05:00

Ladies and Gentleman, we may be on the verge of taking down the world's most wanted virus. According to a recent announcement by scientists at the University of Western Ontario, the U.S. Food And Drug Administration will commence human trials of the first HIV vaccine next month.
The vaccine operates almost as any normal immune booster, using a dead HIV virus. However in this instance, said virus has been genetically altered.
Early tests apparently proved successful, triggering positive immune responses with no side-effects.
While the human trials may take years to finish, this is certainly amazing news in the ongoing war against AIDS.
Provided this isn't some government bull or a full scam, we at HD in Effect predict a fully-functioning vaccine and cure for one of society's greatest enigmas within the next 10 years. You heard that forecast here first, folks!
Check out more info about SAV001 at:
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/hiv-vaccine-trial-approved-fda-020758377.html
And pass it along!!

TLC And Virgin Exploitation

2011-12-18T13:22:00.000-05:00

Recently, TLC debuted a new series documenting the challenges facing adult virgins. Virgin Diaries shined light on different types of people who've gone decades without ever experiencing the pleasures of the magical twat and/or powerful phallus.

They included Ryan, who-prior to the show's filming-had gone 31 full years without so much as having kissed a girl, and his fiance Shanna;
Carey, a 35-year old mortgage analyst for Wells Fargo who's made it to first base, but never reached home plate;
and Lisa, Tamara and Danielle, three roommates who not only wanted to keep their chastity belts on until the right men found the keys, but had nicknames for those lucky locksmiths-"The Viking," "The Rock Star" and "The Boreal Forest Beach Mountain Man."
(In an interesting note, Tamara called herself a "reclaimed virgin", even though she admitted to having slept with a bunch of different guys.)

Watching the show gave away clues as to why these six celibates were fast approaching Steve Carell territory.
On a blind date with a woman, Carey admits in a not so sexy way that he's inexperienced. In response, she whispers, "Are you a virgin?"
After he confirms her suspicion, the woman gives off a loud gasp and tries figuring out how he gets his energy.
Here, Carey essentially reveals that he chokes his chicken to keep up with the young people, which probably didn't score him any cool points. The entire segment basically turned this guy into some sort of freak for his date to poke and prod with her curiosity. No word on whether her inquisitive nature towards him also drew her panties to his bedside.
Ryan and Shanna, on the other hand, have much better luck on Erotica Road. Both sex-deprived mates are so determined to make that first night as husband and wife special that they promise to not kiss until their matrimonial ascension. TLC adds the creep factor in a segment where Shanna tells Ryan how she's gonna put on her lingerie and give him the bizness. Cue awkward silence...
Things only get worse on their wedding day when the time to smooch arrives.
Both of them violently gnaw at one another like baby birds eating chewed, regurgitated worms from their mothers' mouth.
Why we needed to see that is a question for another day, but the couple did allow cameras to follow them to their hotel room that night, right up to slamming the door in our faces. Ultimate creep status for Shanna's dad sharing his fly in the room fantasy while they get it on, BTW.
For the three self-anointed "Musketeer" roommates, adult virginity is something whimsical. Immortalizing their late bloomerhood in song with a guitar and a plastic microphone, Lisa, Tamara and Danielle are holding out for their individual Prince Charmings to sweep them to the altar and leave them un-clothed and speaking in tongues. On a triple date the girls have, one of them quickly shares her virginity story with the guys. Rather than freak out though, her date admits that he is also a 30 year old virgin. Hopefully he didn't take a dive to make her feel better.
Now that we've gotten to know the characters a bit, one question lingers. What exactly is wrong with these people?
Ryan and Shanna may be new to sex, but they loved each other before swiping their V-cards and didn't have any noticeable issues. Carey owns a nice condo in an expensive city, has lots of friends and is making a pretty good living. And the roommates are pulling along without any permanent men in their lives.
After seeing Virgin Diaries, we have a hard time believing that these people have any problems. They're just like most humans who'll read this post, but straddled with different circumstances that have left them without getting "any."
Putting stigmatized populations on TV for profit is nothing new in the age of 16 and Pregnant and Real Housewives Of Atlanta fanfare. Virgin Diaries just continues that trend. There's nothing to see here folks. Just regular people who haven't had sex yet.

Men In Black 3 Trailer: Hot Or Not?

2011-12-17T22:28:00.001-05:00

We really don't know what to think of this trailer for MIB 3.
The first few seconds seem promising, but the cinematography just falls from there. It has a somewhat cheap, porn-flick quality to it.
Will's wisecracks with that alien on the wall are funny, but the third suit up for The Men In Black isn't striking a "I really gotta see this" chord with us just yet.
Apparently the premise seems to be Agent J going back in time to save K, or something along those lines. Hopefully this is just an early build for a more complete trailer. Anyways, check it for yourselves.

Still Don't Think America Could Become A Police State?

2011-12-14T16:57:00.000-05:00

As early as today, President Obama may very well sign Provision 1031 of the National Defense Authorization Act into law.
For those not in the know, the NDAA is a federal legislation which regulates the Department Of Defense's budget.
So what's so bad about another addition to the act which finances our national security sector and U.S. Armed Forces by proxy?
Nothing really, save for the fact that it would grant said forces the power to indefinitely detain "covered" persons suspected of committing "belligerent acts" against the United States-without a trial. "Covered" persons, according to the anti-1031 Udall Amendment, would include "any person, other than a member of the Armed Forces of the United States."
Understandably, the provision has garnered the scorn of liberal groups such as the American Civil Liberties Union and members of Congress, 40 of whom recently sent a letter to Senate Armed Services Committee leaders and the House, urging them to remove the controversial wording.
However, a poster in a conspiracy theory forum we located showed an interesting letter from Colorado senator Michael Bennet. In it, Bennet claims the detainee sections would only apply to Al-Qaeda leaders. Of course, you should take this with a heavy grain of salt, since the forum is called "Godlike Productions." And people are apt to make-up anything these days. Nonetheless, it is worth mentioning here.
We're not sure if or when 1031 will pass. But as the above video shows, the Obama administration actually asked for the language that calls for holding non-citizens AND citizens based purely on suspicion.
Even moreso, Section 1031 would directly violate the Fifth Amendment, which states that nobody shall be "deprived of life, liberty or property, without due process of law"; and the Eighth Amendment, designed to protect us from "cruel and unusual punishment."
While it's up to the Supreme Court to dictate what constitutes "cruel and unusual", we're hoping they see that holding a guy in a disgusting military jail until he dies, just for being brown-skinned and wearing a turban--and without the right to a lawyer, is a little on the unfair side.
America, what are we coming to?

Union Square In Motion

2011-12-13T09:19:00.002-05:00

The collection of gray and orange panels sit comfortably just under the NE corner exit at the Union Square subway station.
Their mystique-something you'd be more apt to see at a museum than below a Food Emporium location-instantly draws you in.
After reading the names listed, you start noticing the hologram-esqe pictures that stretch from one end to the other, activating only as you walk past them. There's the strawberry which drops into the milk, a jumbled up "I Love NY" logo and a psychedelic design-among others. Basically they're like those little red plastic visors you had with the white lever when you were 5-only way cooler.
For Joshua Spodek, being able to see the technology he innovated 15 years ago whenever he wants is pretty freakin sweet.
"If I pass through Union Square, I sometimes stop and see if people look at it. Most people will go without looking, but some will pull their friends to it. I just watch that from the sidelines cause it makes my work worthwhile," the CEO for Submedia, an outdoor advertising company, says about "Union Square In Motion," the world's largest digital linear zoetrope.
As an astrophysics grad student at Columbia, Spodek spearheaded the commercial development of the trope-a technology that broadcasts a single illusion from a group of rapidly moving pictures. Proving a massive success, he took it to subway stations all around the world, from North America to Europe. But since the Greatest City In The World's subway system wasn't properly represented (barring Bill Brand's "Masstransiscope" at the now-abandoned Myrtle Avenue Station), Spodek knew he had to change that.
"This whole thing started about 15 years ago, when I first had the idea to really expand the media," he continues. "I had a great relationship with the MTA."
That bond would eventually see the birth of "Bryant Park In Motion," the Authority's first digital trope, at the 42nd Street stop on the B, D, F and M lines last year.

"It was my first time working with the MTA. It inspired me to do something even greater." To accomplish just that, he went to the Parsons The New School For Design earlier this year, where he linked up with Associate Professor Anezka Sebek for a collaboration studio in the school's Art, Media and Technology program.
"Joshua came to Parsons and after I was introduced to him, he told me how he would like to teach zoetropes to students," Sebek recalls. "Having been in the animation industry for the past 25 years, I was intrigued and more than happy to help."
So for the Spring 2011 semester, Sebek and Spodek taught 18 creative pupils how to use the challenging medium. "It wasn't easy," Sebek says. "Me and Josh ran them through everything. It included math and optical tricks. They had to learn a lot, but in the end they managed."
Shortly after the class had ended, things were on the fast track to the project. "Josh and I met with an MTA rep who agreed to let us do the Union Square installation. 15 weeks later, nothing had happened. All the students wondered what we were going to do."
Finally, after weeks upon weeks upon weeks of back and forth games between the two parties, the project was green-lighted in July. "The students went crazy. They ran a kickstarter campaign to finance the money from their own pockets."
Sebek was quick to cite one person as the main reason "Union Square In Motion" exists today. As one of the 18 scholars in the collab course, Jeanne Kelly served as not only one of the creators, but a project manager as well, making sure students were on top of their work. "It was a challenge because some of them had just gotten jobs or left the city," Kelly says. "But they were eager to have their names attached to such a prestigious undertaking."
"We started doing weekly meetings where we designed prototypes and tested 60-70 different types of animations to see which one would work the best. Fine-line drawing animations didn't work well with zoetropes because they reduced and resized optical images with poor effects. Subtle animations weren't that successful either, since they had limited space and weren't as visually exciting."
Eventually Kelly and the gang settled on a loose and vibrant animation with drastic, exaggerated movements, which proved perfect for the technology. For two months, they constructed the installation, putting in wiring and programming until their labor of love opened on September 26th.
"If it wasn't for Kelly, this wouldn't have happened," says Sebek. "The students were creative and designed beautiful things, but Kelly really made it happen. The only thing I contributed was the relationship between Joshua and Parsons. I shaped the curriculum and lead the class with my background in design and visual effects. But for the entire summer where they worked on this, I was gone."
"It's wonderful to see, but it's not a big deal. My name's been included on so many movies already."
Having just graduated from Parsons with a Masters in Fine Art, Design and Tech, Kelly is taking her talents to greater heights.
Her next step is designing concepts and plans for the interactive Hyrtl Simulacram installation at Philadelphia's Mutter Museum. Using 139 human skulls from 1800s Central and Eastern Europe, the augmentation to the Hyrtl Collection will tell stories of people who lived during the 19th century by recreating their likenesses in 2-D and 3-D restoration imaging. Ever the crafty one, she doesn't want to stop there.
"I'd love to do something involving interior spaces. It would have people entering the space accompanied by sound-pieces."
Those gritty urban rails would file quite nicely into her possibility cabinet as well. "Another thing I would be interested in would be more work with augmented reality using old subway photos. Imagine an app where your phone scans a certain code on a subway platform and you get to see that same location as it was 70 years ago. It would even be cooler to take graffiti pics on those platforms and see how they looked decades ago. Romantic."
We certainly can't disagree with that, Ms. Kelly.
Check out HD in Effect's video of the "Union Square In Motion" installation at this link. And after that, mosey on down to Jeanne Kelly's blog at http://jeanne-kelly.com/ and Joshua Spodek's at http://joshuaspodek.com/. You'll be glad you did.

SantaCon 2011!

2011-12-11T11:07:00.005-05:00

Christmas may be 14 days away, but that didn't matter to the 11,000 Santas and Santettes who infiltrated the city yesterday for the 2011 NYC SantaCon. A "non-denominational, non-commercial, non-political and nonsensical Santa Claus convention," according to the official website, SantaCon was an event that draped everywhere from South Ferry to the East Village and in between with red, white and hipster (i.e. the first pic below). We at HD in Effect Ho Ho Ho'ed on down to join in on the fun, talk to folks and snap some images.

Making its start at the World Financial Center, SantaCon quickly made a beeline down to South Street Seaport, which was packed to the brim with jolly, olly goodness.

Seems this Santa cut back on the cookies and milk.

Here, participants took the time to play "Hit The Drunk Santa with a candy cane."

The Occupy North Pole dude could be somewhere in this picture, a la a wintered up Waldo. We didn't really catch him. You can look for him yourselves and tell us in an e-mail we won't bother opening and instead use to bulk up our paper airplane supply.

If only this turned out like Drake's free concert last summer.

For Malte Greiner, this many Santas were well worth the 1hr 40 min bus ride from Nyack, NY. "I head about it on Facebook. In New York there's always amazing events going on," the German transplant says. "I'm here to have some fun and meet some people."
"There's been random chanting, random singing and even Santas on Segways."

Behold The weihnachtsmann

SantaCon's attendees eventually decided to let their political frustrations out at City Hall, where they joined up with Occupy Santa.

The anger at American sub standards didn't last long though.

Before the Kris Kringles could get acclimated next to the Brooklyn Bridge, they remembered a previous engagement at Grand Central.

Doesn't the premise of a bunch of people dressing as Santa and running around aimlessly in Grand Central sound like the beginning to a movie Woody Allen hasn't filmed yet?

The girl here would probably be like, 15 years younger, related to him and finish it by frenching him on the lips.

We'd totally see it.

By late afternoon, the Santas had crashed half the bars on the Upper East Side. They also went to Rick's Cabaret for some hot strippers-Santa has to get his bitches in a twist, as per his site.
We would've gone, but some 19-and under company forced us to change plans and find these Kriss Kringles at the Times Square Toyrsus before calling it a night.

The Con ended with the wildest party the North Pole's ever seen. Wonder if Ms. Claus knew about it. Then again, this was also designed for the Santas to donate toys and food to the Marine Toys For Tots organization and Food Bank For NYC, so no foul.

Back After Finals =(. Or tomorrow?

2011-12-07T14:42:00.000-05:00

Goodbye, Hermie!

2011-12-04T15:53:00.002-05:00

The media's favorite political plaything finally got boring, so they decided to devour him for lunch yesterday afternoon, when Herman Cain officially announced he was ending his presidential campaign.
Forced out by numerous sexual harassment allegations, along with a woman who claims she had a 13-year affair with Mr. 9-9-9, Cain made sure we wouldn't forget him anytime soon. In his final salvo he quoted a song from a Pokemon movie without knowing who the creator was.
"Don't go writing an article about the poem," Cain warned in his swan song. Don't worry. We at HD in Effect would never do such a low blow. We mean, the lyrics in question were from Donna Summers' "Power of One," which was the movie's main theme. And we're too young for music from eleventy billion years ago. But we will bode farewell to you, good sir, in the best way we know how...
Directly below this is Cain's speech, with Pokemon digs added in.

Is Marriage A Form of Ownership?

2011-12-02T13:55:00.000-05:00

I was wondering that after overhearing two people at Madison Square Park two Mondays ago for the CUNY Wide march.
"Marriage is like a man saying, 'I own you' to a woman," the guy said. "When you buy a woman a ring, you're basically saying, 'I bought you.' The woman and kids take the husband's last name. They become his property."
I can see how marriage could be construed as an ownership deal in the traditional sense. Look at how the man has to ask the woman's father for his daughter's hand in marriage. In some ancient societies like Medieval European Times, marriage was a social contract where the woman had to answer to her husband above anyone else. Women couldn't choose who they married and they were seen as little more outside the ability to bear children.
Even in parts of the Middle East, women aren't allowed outside the home unless their husbands or other men accompany them, much like a dog needing its owner to accompany it outside for walks.
Was that guy right? Should we re-define marriage so that the man doesn't have to "buy" the woman into it? Not all women take their husbands' last name, so can we not say marriage isn't a ball and chain deal for women? What about a woman's supposed "feminine" desire to be a gift to her man forever? What do ya'll think?

Nostalgia Trains!

2011-11-30T12:18:00.000-05:00

HD in Effect readers who want a slice of Ye Olde Amsterdam can satisfy their hunger by taking a ride on the MTA's holiday trains every Saturday from November 26th to December 24th.
The classic R1/9 Independent Fleet, which last graced Gotham's underbelly in the 1930s, will be running on the Sixth Avenue line between Queens Plaza and 2 Av from 9:58am to 4:43pm. Tell your friends, confidants and train junkies!

Michael Musto Mock Interview

2011-11-29T09:53:00.002-05:00

Management's Disclaimer: The following is nothing more than a figment of the writer's addled, overactive hypermagination, and should be taken as no more than such. No need to get offended or anything. Better yet, stop whenever and if ever this piece offends you and go skip jump rope in traffic. Now then.

Michael Musto is a guy I've been wanting to get my hands on for the longest time. Not in the "I wanna cuddle and fondle you like in that Footlose remake" way.
Rather the "You're my favorite writer and I need to become like you by all means necessary" way. The way that inspires a fan to become everything like the one person he idolizes. Save for the moments when said idolized person transforms into a raging, wife-beating drunk once the cameras are off and nobody is around.

I got my chance to get my hands on Mr. Musto during a Bratwurst festival in Greenwich Village on Saturday. Personally I could care less for looking at and eating long weenies, but that all changed when I saw La Dolce Musto in the flesh.
Awkwardly minding his own business with a quiet gait, he seemed out of his element, more interested in clicking away at his Blackberry as opposed to the German folk song and dance happening on stage before him.
I took my opportunity to get my inner groupie on and introduced myself. Not only did he turn away from his cellie to talk, but I got the whole convo on my camera and transcribed here!

Hannington: "You totally ignored my friend request on FB the other day."

Michael: "Oh, were you the one who said you're a big fan of mine and you totally ripped off my style?"

Hannington: "Um, yeah, I guess. I freaked the flip out when I found out you were on the Book. I knew I od'ed with the message I sent you. It's like I was trying to contact you without coming off like I was kissing your ass. I'm assuming by you not responding I did give away that vibe though."

Michael: "Aww, relax. You didn't. I'm sorry about not responding. And I'm joking about the style rip. It's just that when you spend all your free time proving to Kathy Griffin how homosexual you really are and covering hackneyed events like this, you barely have any time for Mark Zuckerburg's little toy. I pretty much only go on to post my new articles and spy on the pages of the early candidates for International Firefighters Day 2012. When that day comes, it all comes off!"

Hannington: "I'm sure you'll be melting on that day. Anyways, how the fiznuck did a mild-mannered Italian kid from Brooklyn go from that to becoming the rag-tag, hard-spoken, no-holds barred pen man he is today?"

Michael: "Mild-mannered? Sir, I've been an animated son of two bitches since I popped into this world. My first words were 'necesito tu chica,' right to my dad's best guy friend. Of course, this was before I realized I should've said 'necessito tu chico' to the friend's wife. Even though I was only 19 months old at the time, I remember it clear as day."

Hannington: "That deserves an uber lols, but it still doesn't answer my question."

Michael: "Right. I was getting to that. Basically my hard Brooklyn upbringing, mixed with my supporting, semi-there but not always there folks. That and a few shots of Brandy in between middle school periods and during downtimes at work, caused the tiny little beast lying inside to become Grandmaster Musto, the legend you see before you."

Hannington: "Cocky, and I love it!"

Michael: "Hey, if I don't believe in myself, who else will?"

Hannington: "Great point. I gotta say, you have a huge stack of balls for writing that 'Why I Hate Religion' piece for the first August issue. As an atheist agnostic, that is perhaps my favorite work from you. Did you catch flack from the boys in the office for it?"

Michael: "A few of them waived their crosses in protest, but I reminded them of just how the Voice used to write anti-gay propaganda years before I came on. They shut up after remembering about "The Great Faggot Rebellion." And the other boys from New Times Media tried stuff but I shut them down too. In all honesty, I'm just expressing what I really feel. Religion can't work for me, but to each their own, I suppose. I can't get all caught up in dogma. Glad to head you're a part of the darkside though. How was the transition?"

Hannington: "It was a long one. Not easy, especially after I came out to my family. Certain people damn near disowned me for life. But it must've been hell being forced to leave school every Wednesday to go read a bunch of fairy tales, as you so eloquently put them. My mom used to drag me to church every Sunday and I hated it."

Michael: "I hear ya. It wasn't always as bad as I wrote though. I got to drink Jesus' blood and eat crackers for free. As Peter Griffin said, that guy must've been wasted 24/7!"

Hannington: "Perhaps so."

Michael: "Do people harass you about you lack of belief?"

Hannington: "Yeah, sometimes. I just let it roll off with a smile usually. When I do that, they mostly walk away without complaint. For those who want to get all 'The Lord Saves' on me, I whip out a lil Genesis 19 to ward them off. That and some holy water. Which is just fancy talk for sparkling water I mixed with iodine."

Michael: "Good idea. Don't forget Deuteronomy."

Hannington: "Oh, I haven't. Moving on, what's an average day at The Voice like for you?"

Michael: "I get up at 6 and have a nice breakfast of whole wheat toast and a glass of Naked Juice from the Union Square Whole Foods. I usually arrive at the office around 9am and begin scanning through my Crackberry for the day's events to cover. If nothing comes up, I wait at the phone, hopeful for that call from Kim Kardashian crying to us about how she left Kris cause he secretly locked her in his basement for 14 hours a day."

Hannington: "When are we gonna see a Mr. Michael Musto?"

Michael: "NEVER! Next question."

Hannington: "What if he just fell into your..."

Michael: "Not even if he went to Yale, had the entire bootlegged collection of each Bad Girls season in alphabetical order and was clean-shaven."

Hannngton: "Touchy. What advice can you give an aspiring journo such as myself?"

Michael: "All I can tell you is that you gotta get out there and find stories. They won't find you. Follow any leads you can find. Don't give up. Get tons of interview experience too. And don't listen to what authorities tell you."

Hannington: "I almost fought some cops at Baruch recently during the CUNY-Wide march."

Michael: "You're well on your way, kid."

WWE'12 Review

2011-11-28T10:45:00.000-05:00

It's November-which means it's time for global warming to freak us out with 60 degree days. And time for THQ to debut the newest wrasslin' game on the block. Serving as a departure from the Smackdown Vs Raw series, WWE'12 was designed with the words "Bigger, Badder and Better" in mind, as the game's tagline says.

To satiate fans who've said the annual WWE game releases have been nothing but stale upgrades, the developers went out of their way to overhaul everything this year. It works to a large extent, but still falls flat in some areas.
Presentation is always a huge part of any WWE broadcast, and THQ kept that in mind this year. WWE'12 has 25 new camera angles that are constantly shifting during matches, depending on what you're doing.
For instance, when you perform John Cena's Five-Knuckle Shuffle, the camera instantly shifts to an under head frontal view, alternating to an overhead view as he runs to the ropes, then goes out to a wide shot of the entire ring when he drops his fist. It's exactly as how you see Fruity Pebbles take down baddies every Monday Night.
Superstars receive much better lighting and they appear all the more better for it. The now removed HUD also helps you see the oiled-up warriors without some stupid meter under them.
Finishers have received an upgrade as well. You'll see a blur and hear a flatline in the background whenever you trap your opponents in one of those devastating pet holds. This gives off the feeling you've just sent someone to the ER, even though they're just overselling that jacknife powerbomb. If you don't want to use that spear or chokeslam too quickly, you can even store it for later in the match three times over.
Piggybanking off one of Randy Orton's nicknames is "Predator Technology." This new system was designed to loosen up game movement and succeeds in doing so.
Specific moves no longer warp to the middle of the ring. This means if you initiate the People's Elbow next to the ropes, you'll hit it there and not magically find yourself a few inches to the left or right. Characters also get up faster while selling, spending less time on the mat. For the first time you can also interrupt any moves in the game, rather than having to watch the animations play out. These three additions make for some fun, fast-paced matches with a natural feel.
As good as WWE'12 is with show and tell, that doesn't explain the massive bugs the game hasn't tagged with Raid. Superstars still randomly phase through the ring and awkwardly run in place next to turnbuckles.

This is especially prevalent in multi-man matches. During a six-man Hell In A Cell match, I had my character perform a running jump dropkick to Kevin Nash.
Right before he made contact, Mr. McMahon, who was standing right between me and Big Sexy for some reason, blocked the character. He then proceeded to run in place for a good 90 seconds before breaking free of the animation...and then ran to the turnbuckle and jogged in place in front of it. Series vets will immediately recognize these bugs from previous iterations. As a matter of fact, it seems WWE'12 has more bugs than its predecessors at times.
If I graded the Road To Wrestlemania on presentation alone, it would get an almost perfect score. The continuing mode has received a major reconstruction to shine it up. You're treated to opening credits at the start and seamless transitions between stories.
But we can't be too merciful now, can we? RTW's positives come to an end there. You get to play through three intermingling stories.
The Villain, where Sheamus creates a United Kingdon stable with Drew McIntrye, William Regal and Wade Barrett;
The Outsider, where Triple H attempts to break the world championship record belonging to that Space Mountain guy down in Orlando;
and The Hero, where you play as a CAW named Jacob Cass who helps WWE battle against a WCW invasion.
On paper, they sound pretty fun. When said paper transitions to digital form, that sound becomes a total fart.
First off, you can only play as the three guys mentioned above, meaning you can't Woo-Woo-Woo Zack Ryder to the WWE Championship at Wrestlemania.
Second, most of the objectives have you simply beat down an opponent until they reach a certain health level, then press a button to cue a cut scene. It's a great idea, but overused to death here. You'll also spend lots of time fighting backstage instead of in the ring-especially during the Villain and Hero sections. The balancing between these QuickTime moments and actual matches is horrible, to say the least.
The cutscenes are a nice slice of graphical goodness, which is why it's a shame they suffer from poor sound quality. Oftentimes when superstars are talking the crowd noise drowns out their voices. You'll get small quips of what Rey Mysterio or R-Truth said, and struggle to hear the rest of their promos.
But my biggest gripe with this year's RTW is that its too linear. Unlike older WWE THQ editions, there are no branching storyline paths. Already limited by minuscule character choices, this sucks up all the replay value for the game's story mode.

RTW set aside, WWE'12 rises to its "Better" proclamation in terms of gameplay. Cory Ledesma and the gang have ditched the analog grapple control scheme from 2007-2011 and re-mapped maneuvers to a simple button press combined with the control stick.
This not only pays tribute to the early Smackdown games, but it feels right and more accessible. Those of you accustomed to the old method of hitting buttons to get the green bar into the blue kickout square will have to adjust to a new way of beating the three count.
Players will now hold down the A or X button and let go as soon as the bar reaches the square. It's a tough learning curve, but nothing some hardcore practice sessions can't overcome.
The new Limb-Targeting system allows players to target an opponent's head, arms or legs until they're ripe for submissions, via another series inclusion: The Breaking Point.
You'll button mash to fill up the meter below the screen for the tapout, mash to get out of the hold or crawl to the ropes for a ropebreak.
If you want to talk about realism, wait until you try the Wake-Up Taunts to set up finishers. You know how the Undertaker makes the throat cutting motion while his prey staggers to their feet for a Tombstone? Or how Kofi Kingston claps his hands together just as he's about to do his Trouble In Paradise? You'll be able to do that and more in WWE'12.
Gamers stuck on the beating end of a bout can perform Comeback sequences where their superstar will break out their specific momentum generating moves in a last ditch effort to swing things their way. Beware that the Comebacks are only successful if you hit the correct button prompts before your opponent.
Unlockables are plenty in WWE'12. Apart from your standard Raw and Smackdown superstars, there's also WCW legends to unlock such as Booker T and Eddie Guerrero. Even Brock Lesnar found his way into the game as a playable character, proving how jacked up this year's roster is.
People willing to shell out for DLC will get access to Jerry "The King" Lawler, Shawn Michaels, Arn Anderson and, making his WWE series debut, the late Randy Savage, among others.
Add in arenas like Starrcade, Nitro and Clash of The Champions and 23 different championships to unlock and you have more than enough incentive to play with Team WWE through the winter months.
Those don't even include the new Create An Arena and expanded WWE Universe 2.0.
WWE'12 is the wrestling game that keeps on giving. There's hyperactive gameplay, improved presentation and more schwag than should be allowed in a video game. On the other hand, bugs and a lackluster Road To Wrestlemania keep this from being the greatest wrestling game ever made. Still, it's a hell of a lot better than any of the SVRs. We'd even venture to say it's on the same level as Here Comes The Pain.
Now, are you ready?

We've Been Mad Late!

2011-11-27T15:09:00.001-05:00

So we know we've recently broken our three-day rule about twice in the last few weeks. Stuff's been going on, but that's not really much excuse. So to make it up to ya'll, this week is gonna have some wicked crazy stuff.
The Michael Musto Mock Interview is on deck, along with something tackling marriage from a different angle and more. We're gonna try and update every single day this week, cause we really do love you guys. And we promise to do our best to keep this from happening again.

Views From Queens: The Three Brothers

2011-11-23T19:12:00.002-05:00

I enter the IND Queens Boulevard Express/Eighth Avenue Local at the Kew Gardens-Union Turnpike stop.
Mere seconds after taking a seat, a middle-aged black woman with the most rounded face I've ever seen takes notice of the book in my hand. It's titled: Forgotten Borough: Writers Come To Term With Queens.
"What book is that," she asks.
Her red lipstick, New York/Atlanta sounding dialect, wispy white hair and plain black jacket make me think she's a Southerner by nature, but I briefly discard the thought to show her the book's cover.
Once she's satisfied to know what kind of literature I'm into, she immediately turns her attention to a young, medium-set black male sitting next to her. He's decked out in a nice fitted, puff jacket, black boots and the piece de resistance of many "urban" New Yorkers: saggy pants. I can tell even though he's sitting down because they're crumpled around the ankles.
The lady motions to two other guys sitting across from them, next to me.
"Are those your brothers?"
"Yeah," he replies.
"By blood?"
"Yeah." She and I take a look at the two. I can't really see their faces from my position because they have hoods on. "I don't believe it," she exclaims. At this point the guy asks one of his "brothers" to let her know they really are blood.
The other guy sticks his head out, and I can see that the claim isn't as literal as I thought. He appears to be of some Middle Eastern dissent, while the other "brother" sitting next to him looks just like the first guy.
"Oh, I see. You're like the Four Brothers," the lady says, in reference to the John Singleton film where four non-biological brothers seek revenge on the hitmen who killed their adoptive mother.
The train pulls into the 71st Continental Avenue-Forest Hills stop. My time to get off. As I do so, the lady re-focuses her attention on me.
"Have a nice Thanksgiving," she tells me.
"You too."
Part of me wants to stay on until Roosevelt Avenue to see what else she's going to do. But my errands override my intrigue, and I get off and attempt to disappear among my faceless subway brethren.

Michelle Bachmann's A "Lyin Ass Bitch"...

2011-11-23T13:32:00.004-05:00

...as The Roots seem to believe. When Sarah Palin 2.0 visited the Jimmy Fallon show Monday, she was introduced with the "la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la" chorus from alternative rock band Fishbone's hit about a slutette who can't tell the truth about her extra sexual activities. Bachmann had no clue what Questlove and his crew were indiscreetly calling her, but once she found out, ish hit the fan.

"The point is, if that had been Michelle Obama who had come out on the stage and that song had been played to Michelle Obama, I have no doubt that NBC would have apologized to her," she told The Hill.
For all her trademark Southern simplicity, Bachmann strikes a great point. Rev Al and em would be all over NBC if the FLOTUS came on Fallon to that ditty.
Or this classic track with a woman-targeted title.
Still, we can't help but kinda lol at Bachmann walking on stage while secretly being called a lady dog. We at HD in Effect know we're bad people for that, but you laughed too from the safety of your computer screen, so that makes it okay for us!
Here's "Lyin Ass Bitch" in its entirety.

CM Punk At MSG Plaza

2011-11-19T12:24:00.001-05:00

Mr. Cult Of Personality himself was at Madison Square Garden's Plaza yesterday afternoon, signing autographs and doing a Q & A session with the fans. I didn't get his signature on any merch because the flyers said to be there at 8am for wristbands to get autographs, neglecting to tell us that people had been camping out at the plaza since 1am yesterday morning. Regardless, I had a great time and even got a few close up shots of CM Punk himself.

Sorry for the sunlight messing them up, but they're still worth it in our estimation.

OWS: Fight Back!

2011-11-16T15:35:00.000-05:00

The scene at Zuccotti Park yesterday morning was one we haven't seen since before September 17th. Devoid of its tents, signs and raging protestors, it instead contained police forces and Brookfield Property owners, presumably glad they could freely move around their space without accidentally stepping on toes.
By the early afternoon, angry inhabitants of the park returned with written permission from NY's Supreme Court to resume their activities. This scene was more out of Bizzaro Land than protest. For once, the Occupy Wall Street protestors found themselves on the outside, blocked by barricades with cops monitoring them from inside the park.
Their unrest was palpable in the air. HD in Effect was on the scene around 2:40pm, collecting stories and interviews with people. While we can't upload any videos since Blogger's interface isn't allowing us to, we did collect a few photos from the tense hours between the evacuation and eventual ruling.

Seeing the protestors in action was empowering.

Having felt what a police state truly is like hours before, when officers decked in riot gear destroyed their possessions (along with trashing the 5,000 books in the "People's Library"), attacked them and even arrested journalists trying to cover the evacuation, they could've given up, gone home and accepted that America is slowly dying. But they still wanted to hold the politicians, banks and special interest groups responsible.

After hours of waiting, a questionable arrest and false "mic check' alarms about the Manhattan Supreme Court's ruling, we were finally allowed back into Zuccotti shortly after 6pm.

But not without a new set of rules to abide by.

Court Justice Michael Stallman ruled that OWS can continue, as long as protestors don't bring in tents, sleeping bags, large boxes, generators and other large items, as per the park's rules. Stallman also gave the NYPD more authority to oversee the encampment and enforce its new decretions.

Nonetheless, the spirit was booming at the space along Trinity Street and Liberty Plaza. Organizers spared little time in setting up a General Assembly to alert park goers of the sustained damages and new mandates. Today, the park lacks the numbers it had on Tuesday. New security personnel are also on hand to watch them. There is no denying that it is becoming more inhabitable as the months pass and the regulations mount.

That said, this is not over by a long shot. What Bloomy and his cronies don't know might not kill them, but make this movement stronger. They don't need a small park to promote a message that's already in over 13 different U.S cities.

They have general assemblies at the NY Stock Exchange tomorrow at 9am. CUNY's Brooklyn, Queens and Hunter campuses, where they will hold general rallies, culminating at Union Square. They have the fourth busiest rapid transit rail system in the world, which they'll use to discuss stories at 16 subway hubs. Marches to the Brooklyn Bridge are also on the agenda.

And now they have more reason to show this city why evicting them may have been something it'll learn to regret.

NYPD Attempts To Shut Down OWS Movement

2011-11-15T10:16:00.016-05:00

Early this morning the NYPD cleared the Occupy Wall Street protesters from their encampment at Zuccotti Park. The boys in blue then proceeded to throw their tents, donated library books and other memorabilia in the garbage.

As suspected, this was done to allow cleaning crews to scrub down the park, with owner Brookfield Properties arguing protesters impeded their ability to do so.

The usual "safety" spiel also rolled across TV sets at City Hall roughly two hours ago, where Mayor Bloomberg held a press conference about the evacuation. Bloomy claimed that he planned on letting OWS members return at 8 am, sans their sleeping bags and tents. However, a last minute court order by Brookfield has apparently stopped that for now.

While it may no longer have its location, the OWS movement is still going on. Protesters have been spotted marching around lower Manhattan and Foley Square.

According to their website, they plan on holding a "Mass, Non-violent Direct Action to Shut Down Wall Street" along with an attempted subway shutdown called "Occupy the Subways" Thursday to commemorate the movement's two-month anniversary.

HD in Effect will try getting updates from them later in the day. We'll post here if and when we find any. Look out for an op-ed on the issue as well.

UPDATE: Manhattan Supreme Court Justice Lucy Billings signed an order this morning at 6:30, saying that cops cannot evict protesters or keep them from bringing their tents, provided they are following the law. As of right now, the protesters have returned to outside Zuccotti, where they are awaiting the court ruling on whether they can re-enter or not.

Final UPDATE: Due to technical difficulties, we're going to upload the pics and videos from Zuccotti in a couple of hours to co-incide with the Op-Ed. Keep it here.

HD The Photojournalist?

2011-11-14T20:46:00.000-05:00

So I was at my cousin's house in Princeton this weekend and my aunt showed me "Half Past Autumn," a collection of pictures and accompanying essays by Gordon Parks. For those who don't know him, Mr. Parks was one of the greatest photojournalists of his time. He captured everything from sharecroppers in the fields to famous A-list movie actors of the 60s.

"I remember seeing you with a camera at your cousin's graduation in July and your love for photography," my aunt told me. "I was thinking you could combine both that and your love for writing and become a photojournalist."
After scrolling through the book, I had to admit that this guy had an amazing eye for the camera. He captured angles most of his peers couldn't see.
Every image told a story, mixed with pain, amusement and triumph over all.
Parks tackled issues like race, class and poverty with simplistic snap shots that conveyed deeper meanings as you carefully inspected them.
One image in particular that caught me was of a mountain with deep ridges and a glistening moon above.
Upon talking with my aunt, I found out that the image wasn't a mountain, but rather a leaf with special shading, lying on the ground. Just the fact that Parks was able to make such a small image appear to be 10x larger than it really was, shows the man was a gem in the rough.

My aunt then threw in how Parks opened the doors for African-American photographers, and said I have to keep his legacy alive.
Never mind that he was also a musician, poet, novelist and movie maker (he directed Shaft). I was placed in the "Gotta Rep For The Brothers" set. Sigh.
I am interested in combing photography and writing...somewhat.
I do enjoy taking pics, but doing this to be the next Gordon Parks cause of my skin? This dance once again?
I think I'll sit this one out. But you might see me with a professional PhotoShot Digital one day, sulking around the depths of the original Five Points neighborhood in Manhattan, searching for new age dreck and villany to document. I'll give ya'll my cards if we cross paths.

Rejokerican Race of 2012

2011-11-11T15:46:00.000-05:00

Right now, President Obama is puffing a fat one in the Oval Office with Secret Service standing right outside making sure nobody else finds out. Why? Why not? After seeing his potential opponents for next year, he might as well take the edge off. Let's take a quick look at some of the "top" candidates.

1.Mitt Romney:
It's only appropriate we start this list with the man who currently sits atop his competitors, according to recent polls.
Mitt Romney has managed to avoid any major mistakes or controversies since entering the GOP race.
And his pro-life stance (even though he flip-flopped on supporting an abortion law, despite previously opposing it back in August 2007), plans to cap government spending and support of the federal one-man-one woman marriage definition make him the quintessential Republican candidate. Of course, there's the whole Mormon thing as well, which, according to some recent studies, turns off lotsa Christians.

2. Michele Bachmann: What else is there to say about a woman who shuts up and does whatever a man tells her to (marry that fast!)?
In truth, Michele Bachmann would probably make a better housewife on a Christian family sitcom than a potential presidential candidate.
But since she wants to play White House, let's see what her credentials are.
Back in April, she voted against allowing the Environmental Protection Agency to regulate greenhouse gases, so we know she's for the trees and stuff. In 2009 she stood against giving federal employees a month's paternity leave. Pregnant women, that means you gotta give her your vote. The topper here is that Bachmann claimed in                                                    June that she would only serve one term as president if elected. So America would only take 4 years of President Bachmann making roast beefs on rye for her hubby on demand, while China continues its plan to destroy Washington by 2020.

3. Ron Paul: If there was an award for "Most Liberal Person On This List," Ron Paul would be a shoe in.
The Texas Congressman believes abortion laws should be left to states; he has expressed interest in bailing out homeowners instead of the banks that screwed them over and earlier this year, he introduced legislation allowing all states to legalize and regulate marijuana. In further news, Cheech and Chong jut donated $100,000 from their Up In Smoke royalties to Mr. Paul's campaign.

4. Herman Cain: We have officially reached the comedy section of our list. You know we had to start with Mr. 9-9-9. While he seems to have a ton of momentum in the rush for the GOP nomination, Herman Cain just can't avoid making himself look like an idiot.
He doesn't really have any other ideas besides the three 6'es upside down; he says its only your fault you don't have a job; and says lots of stuff while acknowledging he doesn't have the facts to back it up. Add in all those recent sexual harassment allegations that have been popping up, and Mr. Cain seems to not have anything to offer America, besides being a "real black man."

5. Rick Perry: After what happened two nights ago, nothing needs to be said about this guy. Except: "Watch this video of Rick Perry forgetting his own plans and possibly creating a gaffe that's up there with Howard Dean's 'Yahhh!' moment and just about anything Bush said while in office."

Anonymous FAIL!

2011-11-08T15:32:00.000-05:00

So November 5th came and went without Anonymous making good on their plan to shut down Facebook. OP_FB was dead on arrival, or better-never alive to begin with. No DDOS messages spammed the site, nor did hackers run wild and post "I love penis" statuses on random people's profiles. Just another empty threat from a group that seemed to have so much potential.

They hacked Bank of America, the U.S. Government and foreign e-mails, but a simple social networking site proved too much for them. For that, and making me so hyped for nothing, Anonymous gets a big...

Views From Queens

2011-11-05T21:31:00.000-04:00

Today we debut a new segment here on HD in Effect: Views of Queens, in which I describe random moments and visions I experience in the county. Today, we find ourselves at the Queens Center Mall on a tepid, early November night.

I sat comfortably on the couches in the mall's lower levels, near the Time Warner store where customers make payments and close to the machines promising I-Phones for those who can insert things into slots.
A little girl, dressed in a pink shirt, tight purple pants and sneakers, pranced around with abandon.
Perhaps no older than 3 years with a pacifier in her mouth, and with a light-brown complexion, potentially Hispanic in origin, her uncaged will forced my attention.
She ran around the small, carpeted space beneath our feet, jumping up and down and running relay laps to and from the table supporting the HDTV's with NY1 playing.
There was smile on her face, coupled with voracious leaps and her family watching. Something about how they seemed content to let her be a baby spoke to me. They spared no attempt in quelling her giggling or scolding her, like so many other parents/guardians I've seen do to their young.
When it came time a few minutes later for them to go, the family of one male and two females snapped out of their adoration. The little girl didn't want to stop prancing around. Acting her age, her male relative was forced to gently hoist and hold her while her female relative pulled a set of pink baggy warmers up her legs and a complementing jacket with similar pigment.
The little girl didn't cry or fuss, a testament to her bubbly nature. Maybe that's what brought my desire to document the scene. I searched for a pen and paper in my backpack before realizing I'd brought none of those things.
By the time I looked up again, the little girl was gone. Her wistful energy lingered around the tight space.
Making a mental note of the details, I turned my head to another family. There was an older looking girl of some Indian descent and who I presumed to be her younger brother sleeping nearby in his stroller. A woman who must've been their mother idly stood by. Five minutes later, two males returned. One of them bent over the stroller to seemingly plant a kiss on the boy's forehead. Stopping an inch of doing so, he retracted to start talking with the mother.
At that point my cell phone "pinged" with my friend's words. After reading them, I got up and left to wander around, the events of the previous 25-30 minutes swimming in my head.

That's it for now. More when my brain decides to jot these visual notes down.

Is Thanksgiving Only For Family?

2011-11-04T15:16:00.000-04:00

People often say that the Thanksgiving holiday should only be shared with family. Personally, I don't agree with that view; where is it written that Turkey Day is by blood invitation? By default, if we do this, don't we write out friends who are just as important in our lives? Sound-off your thoughts here.

GTA V Trailer

2011-11-03T17:31:00.000-04:00

Hmm. Is it in San Andreas or not? Tommy Vercetti retreating to a peaceful retirement, just before one last hit drags him back? Let the speculation commence!

The Art Of Interviewing

2011-11-02T16:30:00.002-04:00

As any experienced journalist will tell you, interviewing people is one of the industry's cornerstones. Getting the public's thoughts down and disseminating them into written, video or audio format helps discern its pulse; how certain subsets of the population feel about certain things: their reactions, agreements and disagreements.
Mastering this art is anything but easy. Each journalist seems to have their own take on how to interview.
Some will tell you that you shouldn't ask closed-questions that one can answer with a yes or no (those that start with "Did" or "Is", for instance).
Others will say asking closed-questions gives you more information.
There doesn't seem to be a consensus within the field as how to properly perform an interview. And it only gets worse when you consider the different types. There's Face-to-Face, phone, e-mail and even Skype variants. Each ones offers parameters the others don't.
Face-to-Face allows you to see and feel the subject's mannerisms, as well the interview location. Technically Skype does this as well, but without any physical contact between interviewer and interviewee.
Phones, while not allowing for visual contact, let you focus on the person's vocal inflections, which can give clues to their feelings on the topic at hand and truthfulness.
E-mail isn't as formal as its counterparts. Though it does give you answers, they're fed through a lifeless computer screen which only delivers a subject's words, devoid of any feelings. This way also makes it harder to ask follow-up questions to interesting answers the subject may give (we'll broach that in a few).
Taking all this into account, how do you become a better interviewer? We at HD in Effect aren't experts ourselves, but having introduced our journalism sector earlier this year, allow us to share our take. You don't have to agree with what we say, but listen for a few before tuning us out.

Conversation: Your subject is Mickey Van Snoringston, president of the National Dog Stool Examination Club. His breath is literal death eating at your heart. He spits words like missiles, directed at you. You're asking yourself, "Why am I interviewing this boring person?" Well, turn the interview into a conversation!
This helps loosen up a nervous, quiet or reserved subject. The looser they are, the more interesting and informative answers they'll give. Crack a joke or two here and there. Give off some statements, like, "That was my favorite line in the whole song." Soon enough, Mickey Snoringston will turn into Russell Brand. And you'll have a hit story ready to go.

FYI-You should try turning any interview you conduct into a convo, for safety.

Follow-Up: Come with a set list of questions, but be prepared to ask follow-ups to interesting responses. Take another scenario.
You: "What was the prevailing mood during filming for [insert super awesome movie name here]?"
Subject: "Pretty mellow. We walked around and stuff, here and there. I mostly relaxed and worked out in between takes. [Famous actor name]'s did teach us about [insert super awesome hobby or ability here]"
You: "Really? Tell us more about that."
Always listen carefully to the subject's answers for tiny nuggets that may lead to more information. You could end up discovering something you didn't plan on.

Wordiness: Try not asking questions that are too long or winded:
"Your talk show, 'The Blah of Blah', had an interesting setup and design. You chose colors such as blue, yellow and green. The design was a globe with realistic looking glaciers hanging off. The globe was made of glass and clay, with a Eurasian swagger to it. How did your staff create that globe and the overall set?" -_-.
Let's perform some plastic surgery on this RuPaul-ish disaster, shall we? "Your talk show, 'The Blah of Blah' had an interesting design. How did your staff create the globe and overall set?" Short, simple and to the point without all that nonsense you forced on your subject pre-opt.

Basic Preparedness: We shouldn't have to tell you this, but make sure you have a pen, pad and recordable device in hand before every interview. If you can write as fast as your subject talks, then ditch the device; keep the old-fashioned tools. Everyone else, stick to your recorders. Or I-Phone mashups or whatever.

And don't feel bad if you make mistakes. We're experts at making them. But what makes us different is we know how to quickly recover and keep things moving. You'll learn that too as you gain interviewing experience.
Best of luck in your future journalistic pursuits! Expect a bill for this informative lesson in your mailbox in 2-5 business days, courtesy of the IP address-home address-credit card account number transitioner that activated when you clicked on this link.

Why My Halloween Costume Is So Much Cooler Than Yours!

2011-10-31T17:31:00.000-04:00

Little costumed children running around and extorting shop owners for candy? Size 16 women squeezing their Pillsbury Doughboy figures into Size 4 Booberella cuts? Egg shells laying at that old guy's door who only gives apples and is a dead ringer for Herbert's doppelganger?
Must be Halloween round this area.
The one day where people are allowed to disengage from life and become people they dream about. No costumes are unthinkable or undoable. Think of a full-scale RoboCop suit with light beams and visor, sans $1,000, for perpesctive. Those with less imagination can opt for the Power Ranger look or slap on some white sheets with eye holes and call it a night.
Me? I went to school today dressed as the one person nobody can top. He's totally original, doesn't cost a dollar and is too kind to egg your place up (nowadays):

Moi!
Yes, young trick or treaters. I'm declaring that the coolest costume anyone can ever bring into this holiday, is the same one they see in the mirror every morning. Who can steal that idea? Better yet, who can pack in all your mannerisms to perfect detail? Not a soul walking this sphere.
I never did like dressing up as a zombie anyways. The real ones are coming soon enough.

Queens Memory Project

2011-10-30T16:27:00.000-04:00

A joint collaboration between The Department Of Special Collections And Archives and the Queens Library, the Queens Memory Project serves to document life in the borough, from olden times to the present and future.
Anyone can give oral or visual records, donate money and suggest ideas to further benefit the growing historical narratives.
We at HD in Effect will most definitely send something to help preserve Queens' history memory. Do your part by going to http://publicqueensmemory.whirl-i-gig.com/ and following instructions to make sure your great-great-great-great grandkids can see just how cool as a cucumber Q-Boro is.

Shout Outs To Me

2011-10-27T14:43:00.000-04:00

My internship Op-Ed about the FDNY entrance exams and their alleged "racism" just got a free plug by some guys over at Merit Matters. It's some blog about an advocacy group "dedicated to preserving merit in the FDNY testing, hiring and promotion process."
I'm pretty sure the only reason they did this was because the piece backs up their own views. And it's total bull they denied the nooses left at firehouses across the city on the article's original page. But whatever, it's free promo for me.

For anyone who thinks I Photoshopped this, check the link at: http://meritmattersusa.blogspot.com/2011/10/great-article-by-hannington-dia.html

A GREAT article by Hannington Dia.....

Author Hannington Dia has written a GREAT article titled, "The Myth That is the Racist FDNY Exam."
In it, Mr. Dia notes, "I wasn't able to view the proceedings, but Mr. Ramsay and I struck up a conversation with a firefighter outside the courthouse. The young man, who happened to be black, told us he didn't support the "biased" notion. He then shared that he'd received a 100 on the exam and he wanted the lawsuit settled so he could return to work."

But when he approached Vulcan Society President John Coombs for his response to this recruits view, he reports that Mr. Coombs replied, "A couple stupid Negroes pass the exam and think the process is not flawed," and that Mr. Coombs then reportedly added, "That exam is bad. It doesn't matter how many blacks, Asians, minorities pass it. Why do we have the exam when it has been proven to not show who would be a better firefighter?"

Mr. Dia seemed to find that response perplexing, "Well, according to the results of the 2002 exam, 85 percent of black recruits passed that year. Five years later, that number jumped to 93%. So more than just "a couple of stupid Negroes" have managed to make the cut in recent years. And it doesn't matter how many blacks are passing? Isn't this what the whole controversy is about?"

Indeed it IS, Mr. Dia, indeed it is.

Read the entire article here:

http://ournewsnow.com/opinion/1852/The-Myth-That-Is-The-Racist-FDNY-Exam

College Degrees: The Scam Of The Century

2011-10-25T19:13:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, after navigating the maze of weed, cigarette and wacky tobacky smoke that is Occupy Wall Street to meet up with a comrade for business, I ran into a recent college graduate.
With three degrees under her belt, one might assume that she would be the happiest person in the world.
Unfortunately, her plaques came at a large financial cost. Decked out in her graduation suit, she stood near the corner of Broadway with a sign telling onlookers about how she's 135K in debt after "making it."
Loans, however, weren't the only albatrosses boggling her post-college life. "I've tried applying for jobs everywhere," she told me. "Everywhere I've gone, they've said I'm too overqualified."
Since her education level has impeded her employment options, the young grad is also facing eviction from her affordable $925/month Brighton Beach apartment.
"I'm two months behind in rent. My boyfriend's parents would help us, but his dad is sick, so a lot of their money goes to paying for his medical bills."
I left that conversation wondering how this could be possible in the world's most industrialized country. Only in America can we tell our young people that the only way to success is through a college degree, force them to take out thousands in loans to pay for said degree, then tell them their degrees make them "overqualified" for available positions. McDonald's wouldn't jump at hiring someone with a MBA, but would gladly take the GED'ed hipster who just rolled in from Philly?
This exposes one of the biggest fallacies in U.S. antiquity: the supposed need for higher education for all. The graduate I spoke to may be drowning in debt, but her peers (yours truly included) aren't doing much better treading the waters.
According to the Project On Student Debt, the average college student graduated with $19,000 in debt in 2006. In 2004, almost 8% of graduates left school owing $40,000 or more. Thirty-seven percent of public school graduates and 55% of private school grads begin their careers with inflated debt.
For those who want to advance beyond a Bachelor's, the numbers don't get any better. A 2009 Forbes report showed that grad students take out an average of $12,746 per year in federal loans. Add that to the debt from the average 4-year and you can forget about reaping those $250,000 more than a high school dropout benefits for quite sometime.
Why are students struggling with paying for college? While college costs have risen 50% since 1990 and counting, financial aid has stagnated in response. With Congress barely increasing the Pell Grant since the early 2000s and many states like Texas being forced to cut their financial aid packages in this economic climate, more students have no choice other than giving Uncle Sam an I.O.U.
We also need to consider that while subsidized Stafford Loans are friendly when it comes to interest and repayment policies, there are limits on how much students can borrow. As a result, they often have to turn to meaner, costlier private loans that don't wait until you've settled into a career before they come to break bread.
But of course, it's our fault that we have to take out loans. That seems to be a common credo among many on Wall Street.
"One of the bankers who walked past me said I'm to blame for my debt," the graduate told me. Herman Cain goes by that mantra as well, which is why he's the Republican Party's new Magic Negro after Michael Steele.
So you can't afford college and you don't want to take out any loans. Or the whole college thing just isn't for you. What now?

Wander through life as a nomad, hitchhiking Greyhounds while writing your survival novel that's gonna blow up on the NY Times Bestseller list and become a Kindle cornerstone? Sounds great, but you don't have to channel your inner Bear Grylls just yet.
There are lots of careers out there for you. Here's a few jobs that don't require those fancy pieces of upper learning paper:
1.Construction Equipment Operator: $50,783/year
2.Assembly Supervisor: $59,926/year
3.Aides Supervisor: $60,652/year
4.In-Flight Service Manager: $67,766/year
5.Carpenter Supervisor: $70,565/year
6.Cable Supervisor: $71,826/year
7.Assistant Site Manager: $86,584/year
8.Fire Chief: $119,250/year
9.Construction Manager: $130,845/year
10.Air Traffic Controllers: $158,966/year
11. Experienced Pilots: $220,000/year
These aren't even half of the jobs that pay in the 5-6 figure range. They're not easy to get, but with some training and experience, you can find yourself on Central Park East without a degree-or owing "The Man" $130,000+
Before you drop your offensively expensive textbooks for a chance at blasting Metallica over the airwaves to your pilot buddies before they take off though, know that we at HD in Effect aren't advocating for everyone to avoid college.
In many instances, you can get your degree without taking out any loans if your grades are good enough and you're active in extracurricular activities. And if you get that scholarship, please go to school. There are literally millions of kids who would kill to be in your shoes.
At the same time, don't think that kids who don't go the college route are failures or that you're one if you don't like that environment. This country has ingrained it into our heads that is the case. You can be the next Steve Jobs or Warren Buffet; they rose to the top without going to university.
Okay, we're lying. You can still end up as well off as your friends who have finished college. Remember to make fun of them when they still have to deal with debtors in their 40s. Prefect revenge for them saying you were gonna become a career expert at the double burger-flip at Wendy's instead of designing your own skyscraper.

The Iraq War Is Over?

2011-10-23T15:39:00.000-04:00

My suspect meter is at "How You doin'" level for this one.

My First Cover Story!

2011-10-20T16:27:00.000-04:00

After weeks of chasing down people and getting kicked out of my school dorms twice, The Campus: Sex Issue, featuring my "Sex And The City College Student"cover article, is now all over the CCNY campus! I'd link to it here but it's only a print piece, so you'll have to come up here to get a copy.

I don't feel like bringing 1,000 issues down to Jamaica either. Hurry-they're going fast!

Comic Con 2011 Journal: Wrap up

2011-10-17T18:58:00.002-04:00

Friday: After a work-related situation at Occupy Wall Street got me in a foul mood, I desperately needed something to take off the edge, which resonated in my mind as I approached that glassy marvel behemoth at 34th Street and 11th Avenue. Once I entered the Javitz Center, my reality-induced dough ball of indigence turned into a well-chiseled statue of glee, wonder and whimsy.

The Shining
Comic Con sure can do that to a fella.
First on my agenda was the Darkness II booth. Shaped like a prison, with a makeshift Canal Street subway sign and system kiosks, I let them slap on the cuffs and take me inside to demo one of 2K Games' latest projects.
For 20 minutes I got blown up, bitch-slapped and hammered nails to the palm from a first-person perspective. All before releasing my inner Darkness, of course. Those tentacles come in handy for hacking people's legs off and eating their hearts.
After gaining early parole, I took a trip down Artists' Alley, checking the amazing illustrators and writers on the indie scene. Me being too lazy at the moment, I skimmed over the offerings (Don't worry-I made up for ya'll on Sunday) and left my camera in my backpack.
But my trusty Sony Cyber-Shot did get some breathing space to capture this guy:

Ah, he's nobody special. You probably don't know him.

I then moved on to a special panel about story structure in comic books. Featuring Daniel Way, the writer for Deadpool and Wolverine; Jimmy Palmiotti, writer for The Pro, Powergirl and also Deadpool; and David Hine, writer for District X, it was a chance of a lifetime.
All those deadly wordsmiths, responsible for bringing voice to Marvel's finest, willing to share their knowledge with upcoming penmakers-yes. Being that I'm in the process of writing my first comic evar, I took notes as if I hadn't skipped class that day to come (did I say that out loud?). Leaving with a renewed sense of confidence, I briefly hit the show floor to find this gabooogledogmeister:

Whut iz it?

It looks like a cross between a portable WWII atomic bomb, a broken toilet plunger, mini-turret and siren. Some passerby told me it's from some legendary show that's 40 years old or something. I put that knowledge in my memory banks for this journal, then deleted and replaced it with static images and Pedobear's face staring at me in the background.

I think he wants to touch me. Can't blame him

Everyone who goes to CC wants to leave with a ton of swag for the road. Some do so by purchasing it. Others play trivia games or find free giveaways on the show floor. But fewer do so through sheer luck.
That lovely lady paid me a visit after returning to Artists' Alley. There was a raffle going on in the back and some dude gave me like 20 tickets for free. When I came back at 5 for the drawing, I won a set of graphic novels about this superhero called" Black Terror" from Dynamite. Not even five minutes later I won another set of graphic novels-Planet Skaar, Skaar-Son Of Hulk and Vision Machine-all signed by writer Greg Pak. Another few minutos and I won a Bleach DVD.

What an Epic Haul

I then drifted back to the show floor, playing some Arkham City and pointlessly wandering until calling it a night around 8:30. Stay tuned for Saturday...right now.

Saturday: I started off the day by taking those photos where you stand before those green screens and they superimpose your image onto any background you like. I'd post it here, but it's somewhere lost with my bank statements. Please accept this cooler pic as a constellation prize:

Yeah, I roundhouse helicopters in my spare time

Since I'd purposely left out a few things Friday so I would have a reason to return, my official mission was uncovering those Easter eggs. Sonic Generations dropped its gooey-colored yolk on my head while I walked to a T-shirt booth. I was on that instantly. Remember that truck from the City Escape level in Sonic Adventure 2? Well, it's back, and this time IT AIN'T PLAYIN'.

You know, I wasn't serious the last time I chased you

I didn't give much love to the panels/screenings Friday, so I made up for it by checking out the Marvel Interactive: Marvel Video Games session. It was just good. Would've been great had it not been for me forgetting my camera at the Generations booth, running to find it missing and going back to spaz in my seat for the entire hour.
It's good to know I'm wrong for saying all NY'ers are heartless, soul-sucking leeches, because one of them gave it to the Lost And Found section.
That Marvel craze resurfaced after I reunited with my Camey. Thankfully, Marvel Television Presents... was enough frenzy to satisfy. There's some cool new shows coming to your TV sets in 2012. We won't spoil them here though (*cough Jessica Jones, cough*).

Ya heard?

Saturday is always the best day for crowds. For a journalist-in-training, that makes for great talk with the people. My reporting senses went off, and so did I in search of true blue CC fans.
"I love that everyone comes in with costumes. Everyone's having fun. I like to be around all that," Crystal Chac said on the convention floor. In town to promote the New Jersey Comic Expo in November, she came decked in a hot, two-piece Star Trek costume from Dragon Con.
"This was from the original series as a spin off from there."
Crystal's camera-shy friend, Mikki May, was a little apprehensive to being put on video, but she warmed up fast.
"I'm here for fanboys alike. I love comics. I love video games. There's such a high energy. I always wanted to come to one, and this is my first Comic Con.," the Super-Girl fan and DC head said.
"Nothing I can say out of the ordinary stuck out for me, because there are so many things here to love."
Cosplayers were also out in full-effect Saturday.
Santiago Saba went one cut above the rest. The Washington Heights native spared no expense in coming as Mortal Kombat's Scorpio.
"I had to make it from scratch. It took me a couple of months and around $500."
Just like Saba, Laron Tyrell didn't buy his costume from any store. Which might explain why his seemed so plain. The Megaman fanatic wore a Servebot helmet with a sign saying, "Will Serv 4 Megaman Legends 3."to make a point
"As of late, the Megaman Legends Community was supposed to get a third game, but we never got it. The series has been dormant for 10 years or so. They said they were gonna make it and then they cancelled it abruptly for no reason."
Tyrell had backup close-by. "We even have our own booth here. A lot of the fans are out here trying to get it back."

Any donations, please?

From there on I met with my Sankofa buddy and won her a T-shirt before heading out with her and my-NYC/Zion affiliated comic book group to dinner, where Graphic Design Commando Shawn Alleyne dropped a crazy freestyle I forgot to record.
But here's his picture:

I'm The Rap Terminator/You blowin' Like A hater

Sunday: Ah, the final day. I got to the Center as early as possible. But the geniuses running this thing thought it made perfect sense to have us enter by snaking the entrance line multiple times through the lower level. Like this:

Not even SS Goku can stop this

By the time I got to the floor it was already 11am. NYCC usually shuts down at 5pm on Sundays. That includes all panels and screenings as well. So I only had 6 hours left to soak up the pop culture goodness. That may seem long, but at an event this awesome, it's practically like 30 minutes. So I dashed to The Cultyard, a section for art, toys, pop-tech and fashion. T'wasn't long before I found a booth that peaked my attention:

Dave Rankin runs Effigy, his own line of creative skateboard decks. His inspirations come from his own genius and the graphic novel universe.
"All my designs are based on my own ideas.What I've done is something similar to the graphic novel. I'm influenced by totally different things like Road Warrior, David Lynch movies and tons of different books," the Philly transplant says.
"Last year I came to Comic Con with only 4 decks available. Now I have 8 and I'm carried in 10 shops around the country. I have a full-page ad coming out in Skateboarder Magazine next month."
None of those shops are in the Greatest City In The World...for now.
"Not yet. I'm trying. I wanna get into Blades and Reciprocal. I wanna get into all of them. There's a bunch of shops I wanna get into in Brooklyn as well."
Graphic Designer Adam Shrub does more than just design 8-bit art; he brings it into a pulpy format for your benefit.
"I started doing these when I was in college into late 2005. I first made small characters, then I decided to get serious in 2009 and started doing bigger murals. I started doing comic conventions, video game conventions, things of that nature."
But just how does he get these sprites onto paper?
"First I digitally set it up. Then I figure out what size square I'm gonna use," the self-proclaimed "Sarcastic Asshole" said. "Then I'll physically draw a grid onto the canvas and I paint it to the black or brown backgrounds."
Don't expect to find a certain plumber's sprite when Shrub sets up at conventions.
"Mario usually goes pretty fast. Marios, Megaman's, they go quick. I had a Sonic sprite of him running at full speed I sold this morning. I wanna focus more on the Sega ones though."

Diginess To Go

Things go in fast-motion when you're hobnobbing with other creators. There were only two hours until NYCC 2011 went into the history books, but I managed to find some friends to keep the hope alive. Including a childhood one I hadn't seen in over a year.

Munchie, what have they been feeding you?! Dude grew like 100 feet

So yeah, I rode out into the sunset with old friends and fond memories of the best Comic Con I've had so far. I went for three days for the first time, bagged tons of swag and took photos for my collection. To take from that man above in pink, Excelsior, until next year!

NYCC

2011-10-14T01:30:00.000-04:00

So I'll be at the New York Comic Con today, as per my annual requirements. Don't expect any updates until Sunday, since I'll be going for two days this time. Until then, play nicely amongst yourselves. Or cause anarchy. I really don't care.

Fighting The Power Through Occupation

2011-10-11T08:43:00.000-04:00

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what ails Americans.

We've all heard about the illnesses ad nauseam: how unemployment is at a record 9.1%; the Iraq War is costing taxpayers billions; young people are leaving college neck-deep in debt, among others.

Three weeks ago these issues manifested into the Occupy Wall Street demonstrations. Last Thursday HD in Effect took a trip downtown to get a feel for the political discourse between the commoners and their filthy-rich adversaries.

Hundreds have taken up residence in Lower Manhattan's Zuccotti Park, vowing to stay there until their demands are met.

While many are protesting government bailouts to the Wall Street 1 Percenters and Co, others have individual motives too.

Signs adorning the park grounds define problems such as poor maternity leave, cutbacks to health care services like Medicaid and the NYPD's excessive force against citizens.

In regards to the latter, Channing Creagers made her outrage clear. The Crown Heights transplant by way of Dallas, Texas stood with a sign asking, "Dear NYPD, why do you pepper spray innocent women and arrest 13-year old girls? You make me sick."

"Wednesday night they closed the park off with the barricades all around. I asked the police officer right next to me if I could get out of the park because I really had to use the bathroom," the 22-year old says. "I didn't think he wanted me to get a ticket for public urination. He said, 'I don't know what you're gonna do about it.' Then he goes 'pisssss' and he was taunting me. There's a lot of police brutality and harassment in America."

When she's not raging against the PD', Creagers also finds time to speak out against poverty, economic inequalities and the president.

The next day another protester came with a sign saying, "Obama: One Brilliant American Moving America." The defiant southern girl quickly countered with another: "This guy is clueless, Obama's top contributor was Goldman Sachs" right next to him.

John Hopkins wasn't demonstrating against those who promise to protect and service, largely because he once protected and served himself.

The 63 year-old U.S. veteran instead turned his sights to America's treatment of its war heroes. "I'm here to support my fellow veterans, and I'm tired of the government and the economic system that is serving only 1% and not the 99%. I want to give this movement a little bit of support so it can grow a little bit more," the struggling construction worker says.

Unlike his comrades, Common Terry wasn't too concerned about any $700 billion packages or cops bragging about their nightstick workouts. "I hope to have the human race realize that we're a family that must unite and save the planet for the children," the Berkeley native says.

Another presence somewhat removed from government talking points, Dada Pranakrsnananda wants to bring more consciousness to the movement.

"As a spiritual person, I have as much interest in making life in the United States different as anyone else does," the yoga monk says. "When we talk about meditation, as you think, so you become. If people think about money all the time, they become money. And when you start thinking like that you start treating people like things. You don't respect them or take care of them."

"People on Wall Street, they've become so insensitive to each other, themselves and other people. I'm trying to awaken them to the fact they're suffering from a psychological disease called obsessive compulsive disorder, and that's money."

Among the youngest protesters was Willie Johnson. The Edward R. Murrow High School student pickets Occupy Wall Street weekdays from 1 to 8 pm for her campus. "They've taken away a million dollars in cuts to my school alone," the senior says. "School lunches are no longer free. There's a $50 fee to take music or art classes. It's time we tax the wealthier who are getting these tax breaks while they say there's no money for schools."

In s sea of white faces, Johnson is one of the few black protesters at the event. Critics have argued that Occupy Wall Street is suffering from poor African-American and Latino representation.

Another movement, called Occupy The Hood, has risen in response to build up minority support at the protests. Already their Twitter page has over 5,000 followers.

While it may lag in the racial diversity department, Occupy Wall Street is rapidly expanding its base. Last week, labor unions including CWA District 1 and DC 1707 marched along the Brooklyn Bridge with protesters. 150 cities nationwide have also started their own Occupy variations. The people are making their voices heard. But are they loud enough to make Washington pay attention?

Facebook Timeline For Make Benefit Of Creepy Stalker Man Zuckerburg

2011-10-08T13:20:00.001-04:00

Since knowing about that enema you got after you couldn't digest that fish-PB&J-blue cheese empanada at that pop-up Taco Bell wasn't enough, Facebook is about to ask for more of your personal stuff.
Say goodbye to your old profile page, because Timeline is coming. This new design's purpose is to make your Facebook life more accessible to your friends.
When Timeline hits, your profile information will scroll down like a table of contents, including your occupation, education and relationship status.
These will now appear right below a new cover photo, the first thing visitors will see. The cover is supposed to be a unique image of yourself, along with your old profile pic in front.
As you further go down, you'll see the status update box coupled with your recent activity. Right below will be your enlarged photo albums, sitting pretty near your likes and places. Finally the line ends with an app section where you'll see what you recently watched or heard from services such as Netflix and Spotify.
Honestly, the entire getup looks pretty sexy. But with Facebook, sexy is always a front for something.
Just reading Timeline's preview banners reveals something more sinister behind it. "Share and highlight your most memorable posts, photos and life events on your timeline. This is where you can tell your story from beginning, to middle, to now."
Yet another attempt by the Zuck Man to gather our dirty laundry and sell it to China.
It's not bad enough we have to deal with that new scroll-thingy showing us what articles our friends are reading. Or that you can't really delete your profile.
Mr. Zuckerburg wants you to share more than every single moment of your waking existence with him. What books you're reading now, your smallest thoughts, and the last time you had your period. He's a nasty little freak, isn't he?
And with Timeline he wants to make it easier for you to sneak through your friends' pages too.
Maybe we're just overreacting, but this doesn't sound like something we'd warm up to. *Side-eyes.*

From Hedgehog Heights, To New Lows, To A New High?

2011-10-06T14:25:00.000-04:00

Ah, Sonic The Hedgehog. You're a legend in the video game industry. From the moment you made your 16-bit Sega Genesis debut, we knew that wasn't the last we'd see of you. Back then you were a chubby little, three-spiked sprite, running and rolling through loop-de-loops, bouncing off springs and jumping atop robots holding furries hostage in their tummies.
And just when we thought you couldn't do any better, along you came with Sonic 2. You added a spin dash to your repertoire, learned to harness seven emeralds to become a Super Saiyan and of course, introduced us to Miles "Tails" Prower, your trusted sidekick of 19 years.
You didn't stop at the gaming world either. You lent your singing voice to us, along with your brother Manic and sister Sonia, on Sonic Underground.
*Side note: Where they been at?*.
You gave Jaleel White another title besides "Steve Urkel."You've even starred in your own straight-to-DVD movie.
You had it, man. Sega was nipping at Mario's feet with your teeth at the helm. Then it all started going downhill.
The new millennium brought about the Sega Dreamcast and Sonic Adventure, your first foray into free-roaming 3-D goodness.
It was great for the most part. You finally started talking in your games! You brought your stalker girlfriend Amy, frival (friend+rival=frival) Knuckles and Tails along for the ride.
But your open-crib mentality showed your ever-too trusting nature. Somehow you also found a 600-pound cat who sounded like he had Down Syndrome, and whose only purpose was to bore players by making them help him fish for a frog. Fortunately, that didn't totally ruin the game. Especially since E-102 Gamma's levels helped make up for it.
Big's inclusion, nonetheless, would serve as a portent of things to come. With Sonic Adventure 2 you got off on the wrong foot, canning your free-roam policy.
Even though your illegitimate black brother Shadow debuted, Knuckles found a love interest in a jewel thief, which brings us to the larger issue at hand.
All they did was fly around and search for emerald pieces in wide, boundless levels that wasted our lives and aggravated the calmest of players.
Those levels took up a large section of the game, detracting from the Sonic/Shadow levels. The Tails/Eggman shoot-em-up offerings weren't that much better, since all you had to do was hold down the attack button and release it wherever the target latched on.
Sonic Heroes was an improvement of sorts. You let us control three characters at once. You even squashed the beef with Charmy, Vector and Espio. Save for a few differences between them though, the levels were the same for every group we played as. This was one of those games where you play through one time and it's "ehh" the next.
By the way, did you inhale helium before going into the voice-over booth for that one? Drugs kill, my friend.
Those games weren't the best, but they had great add-ons. Then Sonic 2006 dropped. What. The. Fiznuck? Agnostic God, that was a fail sandwich. Silver's plodding levels where you had to pick up boxes? Balls. The average 20-minute finishing time for your levels? Which would've been sweet if they were interesting? More balls. You making out with a princess? Well, it's all good if you like bestiality.
You hit rockbottom with 06. Which was a good thing submerged in Ace Ventura's septic tank. You know what they say when you hit that. Nowhere else to go but up.
And up you went with the Wii. Sonic And The Secret Rings was a step in the right direction. Fast-paced, breakneck, classic Sonic for the next gen. We can also semi-forgive Sonic Unleashed for the werehog levels, since its intentions were in the right place and further re-connected you to your roots.
Despite these recent releases though, you still haven't managed to get back that 90s luster. Sonic Generations might just be the spit shine you need.
What better way to commemorate your 20 years on this earth (and Mobius) then by gathering your classic levels like Chemical Plant and City Escape, sprucing them up for the 2-1 cent and getting your younger self to sign a contract to run aside you?
It has the gaming world buzzing for its November 1st release. Good willing, it'll make this disillusioned gamer fall back in love with you, just as he did back in 1996.

"You'll Find Somebody...On Your PC Screen"

2011-10-03T15:27:00.000-04:00

It's the mandated saying all boo'ed up people tell their friends/associates stuck in Singleland with flat tires.
"Don't worry. You'll find somebody."
They then pat you on the back like a dog, with an occasional "smile" to match.
Notice how nonchalantly these monogamous wonders say it? Half of them don't even have the heart to look you in the eye when handing out this cliched gem. We've been guilty of it too, so we know!
Sticking to your part of the script, you say, "Yeah, I hope so" and re-glue your eyes to your internet girlfriend spread out eagle while some brolic dude with a wig dives right in. You wanna believe what your friend just said, but deep down inside you know better.
Fast-forward the script to next year.
"Don't worry. You'll find somebody someday."
You nod and go back to the eagle spread.
And the next year.
"Don't worry. You'll find somebody someday."
Nod again, and take another gander at that V-Shape.
And the next year.
"Don't worry. You'll find somebody someday."
Nod, then take your computer to your room, bring up the eagle spread, reach for your lifetime Jergens supply, only to find you've used it all up.
Fast-for-ah, you should get the point if you understand HD in Effect. Telling single people that they'll find some dreck desperate enough to feed and love their withered, unshapely masses is like telling a retarded sprinter he's just as good as Usain Bolt for finishing the 10-foot dash at his school's mini Special Olympics.
You're being as nice as you can, but it still sounds like lip service on repeat. Yeah, we might prove you right and find that person stalking us on the train. But darn it if "You'll find somebody" doesn't translate into "I'm only saying this to shut you up so I can return to dreaming about the girl you'll never have. She makes me sandwiches at the snap of my fingers."
Thanks a lot. Now please, let us get back to our Twilight posters and drawing word bubbles with, "I'm gay" next to Taylor Lautner's sexy face.
Yeah. We at HD in Effect drank some Haterade today. Got a problem? Take it up with the Management.

So...This Guy...

2011-10-01T12:57:00.000-04:00

...was passed out in his car with the lights and engine running at CCNY Monday. Since he wanted to off himself, wouldn't it have been better to do it in a garage? Naw, then the kids from the nearby elementary school would've been deprived of their chance to see a real dead body. And a pedo would lose his chance to collect their salty tears in his sippy cup.

Cupcakes For Niggas, Spics, Indians and Chinks

2011-09-28T14:16:00.000-04:00

Fried chicken your common dinner choice? You only speak broken English? Have "La Cucaracha" as your car's horn? White man stole your land?
And you love cupcakes? Then why the fuck weren't you at yesterday's "Increase Diversity Bake Sale" at UC Berkeley?!
Sick of government giving minority students free rides to schools they're too stupid to attend otherwise, the Berkeley College Republicans held the sale in creative protest.
They were selling those goods to Asian men for $1.50, Latino men for $1.00, Black men for $0.75 and $0.25 for Native American men. Women automatically got 25 cents off in addition to the price for their race.
Targeting a proposed law called SB 185, that would allow Cali to consider race, gender, ethnicity and national origin in the admissions process, the BCR's action didn't go without response. Students condemned it as racist and held counter protests during the sale.
Some even lied down in the campus plaza with signs saying, 'Don't you see us?"
Apparently, they didn't. Neither did the students who helped the Berkeley right-wingers sell out their cupcakes. Maybe they snuck in more sugar so the darkie students would come running.
Never mind that back in the day slaves weren't allowed to read and women couldn't think. UC Berkeley is on the fast track to racial harmony. All thanks to some kids with Dad's deep pockets and Mexican nannies.
Look at the even greener side: This is one of those few times not being Caucasian isn't a bad thing. We can eat to that, right?

Busy Life

2011-09-26T18:01:00.000-04:00

Those words describe me right now. Sleeping at 3am, getting up at 9 to do some internship work. Heading out the door at 11:20 for my 12:30 classes miles away in Hamilton Heights.
Mixing in workouts, the English class with no syllabus and a clueless professor, some random causes like handing out newspapers with friends, internship database entry and interviews with unwilling people for CCNY's newspaper.
I feel like I'm simultaneously out of whack and totally focused. IDK whether that's a good or bad thing . But at least I'm getting stuff done and finding time to talk to you guys. And keep ya'll laughing when I'm not tired like I am now.

Charlie Sheen's Jedi Mind Tricks

2011-09-23T16:04:00.001-04:00

On Monday VHI aired "The Roast Of Charlie Sheen." As usual, this one didn't disappoint. Besides Mike Tyson still sounding like he has a a dick in his mouth and Steve-O sounding like he lied about his three years of sobriety, everything else clicked.
"Best Zingers Of The Night" go to Jeff Ross for his child custody bit and the one-man empire that is William Shatner for the project cut at Patrice O'Neal. Racist, fanny and filled to the brim with that Shatnery goodness.
Runner-up goes to Tyson for reminding Seth McFarlene why he's able to make a living off Family Guy.
Having said all that, I noticed something about Mr. Sheen during the roast. It's not something you would immediately realize just by looking at him. I've noticed it throughout the entire Charlie Sheen episode the media manufactured to last more than 30 minutes.
For a man strung out on coke and hookers, the Mexican-turned-Gringo seems calm, collected and normal whenever he speaks.
When ABC interviewed him in his house earlier this year, Sheen didn't slur or trip over his words. He sounded clear and understandable. Aside from the talk about tiger blood and invincibility, he wasn't falling over in his seat or struggling to piece the simplest sentence.
He even guided the cameras through a workout and a business venture he was planning. Shouldn't he have been sweeping hypodermic needles under the rug and cleaning the white lines off his face as they followed him?
At the roast I saw the same normal Charlie. The one journalists have spent months trying to convince me otherwise. His suit and tie were neat and proper. His eyes weren't bloodshot. He even had his glasses on. There was no hint of the guy Warner Bros fired from Two and a Half Men.
When his time came to speak, he laid into his roastees with the sharpness. Never missing a step, he seemed relaxed and confident.
Sheen finished his speech by saying that he has indeed won. Considering he turned that word's noun variation into a classic Twitter hashtag and has his wits about him, I'd be hard pressed to disagree.
Carlos Estevez, you have the world eating from the palm of your clever fingers. #Weresonotwinning.

Something To Be Thankful For

2011-09-20T17:14:00.000-04:00

I did the most super-cool thing today. Cooler than p'woning your buddies in 12-hour SSBB shifts. More epic than finishing a marathon. Even better than having the best day ever.
I walked.
I took my left foot and my right foot and I let them lead me to the train station, up the hill to school and to the computer lab where I'm writing this.
So why exactly is walking so cool?
Take a look at a disabled van carrying wheelchair-confined passengers about their day. Or hospital patients who've lost their legs in car accidents. Check the wing for injured Iraq veterans who need prosthetic limbs or to learn to walk again. Those people would agree that walking is among your greatest gifts.
They know, since they've lost it. Some only for a while; others for the rest of their lives.
Recently I've found myself walking and thinking, "I'm walking. I'm doing something so simple, yet so important to me."
People who can't use their legs for that function would kill to be in my shoes-pun intended-so I should try to brush off insignificant things every now and then.
Maybe I didn't get the girl I wanted. Perhaps I'll never be a 6'5, 220 pound muscle wall. I'll be stuck living at home for the foreseeable future. But at least I can walk. Everything pales in comparison to that.
I'll forget that mantra from time to time and bitch about things. We all do. But I'm going to do my best to remind this body it still holds the gift that is walking. Heck, I could apply this to being alive as well.
You should too.

DMNYC Update: Contract

2011-09-17T20:25:00.001-04:00

I'm looking at this contract for DMNYC. So far it looks good. It guarantees my rates, publishing rights and bi-monthly payments.
There's also a whole buncha other stuff but I'll see about that later. Here's another published piece for the site. I don't feel it's as good as my first work, but I'm satisfied with it.

BTW: This'll probably be the final DMNYC Update. Ya'll can check the site for my future stuff.

HD Management

Ain't Nothin But Pigs Bumpin' And Grindin'

2011-09-14T11:01:00.000-04:00

Just in case you were wondering what cops do at the West Indian Day Parade besides arresting dread-locked councilmen, this video, courtesy of World Star Hip-Hop, has the answer. Notice how the first cop is standing like a Buckingham Palace guard while some fresh Jamaican tamale backs it up on him.

Contrast his reaction to the second cop, who damn near breaks his pelvis giving another girl the (clothed) business.

Ladies and Gentleman, see what your taxpayer money goes into? Now we know why more people than usual got shot at this year's parade. But hey, at least the po-po are finally loosening up and letting their chains hang. Glad to see that, considering this thing was pulsating with the NYPD's standard shooting dummies.

Some Ironic Ish

2011-09-12T16:43:00.000-04:00

So I'm at the Rockaway Boulevard stop on the A two Sundays ago when this Argentinian guy comes and strikes a conversation with me.
"The cops in the station smell weed. I'm hiding it in my bag so they don't find it."
I pretty much nod and we chit-chat for a bit about stuff.
When the train finally comes 30 minutes later we part and I ride it to Broad Channel for a Rockaway Park-Beach 116th Street-bound shuttle.
What do I see when I exit?
The same guy with the weed entering the area beyond the "All persons are forbidden to enter or cross tracks" sign.
Since the Broad Channel station is above-ground near street level, it's a popular spot for a quick leak. What most people probably don't know (or care about) is that cops usually patrol the station's southbound side.
I knew they weren't far off so I warned the guy after he came back. Not even five minutes after, two officers come to the front and detain him and another guy who also went down.
"What were you doing down there?"
"I was using the bathroom, sir."
"Stand over there and give me your ID."
As if it could sense the situation, the shuttle approached the platform at that exact moment. I got on, gave him a "told ya so" look and was on my way before I could be implicated in something I didn't do. One of the cops stared at me just before the train left. But he decided to play good cop for once and let me go.
They got him for trespassing and public urination since he copped to it. I wonder if they ever found his bluntskis though.

Awwww...Toddlers And Tiaras

2011-09-09T14:05:00.000-04:00

Teaching little girls to become stuck-up bitches since 2009.
Don't it warm ya heart?
How about this little ~~slut~~ princess in the Julia Roberts role in "Pretty Woman?" We can see her giving out handies to her high school football team's locker room. Cheers to the next gen!

Dexter's Lab: The Lost Episode

2011-09-08T14:43:00.003-04:00

You 90s cumquats remember Dexter's Lab, right? The show with the stubby American boy genius with the European accent and super cool secret laboratory? Who didn't love seeing Dexter tinker up something in his technological confines, only to have his sister Dee-Dee inevitably come and destroy it? Well, apparently, we only got to see the clean hijinks.
Turns out there's a lost episode that has never aired on Cartoon Network or anywhere else. "Dexter's Rude Removal"only screened at the 1998 Comic Con and select conventions for 18 and up viewers.
In the episode, Dexter creates a Rude Extractor machine designed to get rid of his salty side. But as usual, the Deedster arrives to ruin everything, causing both of them to be hit by the machine's rays.
This creates two evil Dexter and Dee Dee clones. For the rest of the segment they go around cursing at themselves, the viewers and even Mom. At one point, Evil Dee Dee calls Evil Dexter a "skull-fucking-douchebag."
Sharp.
Before and after screening the episode at CC 1998, series creator Genndy Tartakovsky said it would never see the light of day again. To this moment, his words still ring true. The only recollections of "Dexter's Rude Removal" are in the minds of the lucky bastards who bore witness to the private showing 13 years ago.
In this age of YouTube, Facebook and Twitter, how this episode has managed to remain secret is a testament to how well Cartoon Network covered it up. But unless they destroyed it after its reveal, chances are it's lying somewhere in the vault along with all the other episodes. Chances also are that someone will find it and guide it to Google's $1.65 billion dollar baby. And if that happens, chances are you're gonna see it here as well.
It is rather odd that Adult Swim doesn't want to air "Dexter's Rude Removal," yet they have no problem playing cartoons filled with the N-word and a father who comes on to his daughter almost every chance he gets. Wasn't that its purpose in the first place? Playing stuff too vulgar for after-school tweenagers?
Even worse, these pansies at the network are afraid of showing the episode, but radio show hosts had no problem exposing kids to blatantly offensive, non-satirical ditties such as "We're gonna have to slap the dirty little Jap" back during WW II. Yes.
Saying we were gonna turn Japanese people into chop suey was okay, but showing kids a midget 8-year old mooning the camera and his sister flipping the bird is going too far?
Man. Americans can show late-night programs about urban-suburban kids as "niggas", implying incestual desires; and play songs brainwashing our kids into thinking Japanese people really are like Mr. Wishee Washee, but one episode from a normal kids show, specifically tuned to adults for one occasion, with censored curses, is inappropriate.
Goodness. We don't advocate smoking here at HD in Effect, but you'll have to excuse us as we travel across The Atlantic to search for a blunt in Amsterdam while we continue wrapping our heads around this.

DMNYC Update: I'm Published!

2011-09-06T15:25:00.005-04:00

Kelly (the woman who hired me) and I have officially agreed to do more freelance work together. She placed my Queens article on the Dominion Of New York City site this morning. Of course I was pretty psyched about it, especially because she included a short bio and the same profile pic I use on HD in Effect. BTW, I might have to change it, since I lopped off that hair garden eons ago.
Since the piece came to around 498 words and I didn't have to go out and do any field reporting, I'm probably gonna charge her around $25.

When I told him about it, my best friend said I was low-balling myself with the rates I've set. His point was that I have all these other articles from Demand Studios under my belt, not to mention my youth- blog/editing work circa 2007.
Completely understandable.
He's doing what friends should: looking out for one another. But I'ma have to agree to disagree. The freelance work I did with DS is what the industry calls "content writing." You have a public client who pays you and a million other pen artists substandard prices to churn out informative/self-help articles. Unlike regular freelancing all the work comes to you. There's no invoices, sending out queries or determining prices.
I may have extensive experience as a content writer, but very little as an actual freelancer with private clients. Most of my clips are from DS. Until I get more experience in the real freelancing sphere, I think my rates are good for now. I should also note that on my writing portfolio there's a small disclaimer located under my rates section-"Rates Subject To Change."
Trust me, I will eventually bump my $10 for 300 words to $20; my $20 for 500 words to $30; and $30 for 600 words to $40 and beyond.
I just wanna get my feet wet at this level.
I'm not sure what my next piece for DMNYC will be. I was gonna work on something about the graduation rates of African-American high school students across the boroughs, but that might take a lot of time and searching to do. NY DOE statistics wouldn't be enough, given that they aren't always set in stone. Kelly told me to look for a professor on campus with a PhD in Education.
Plan B if I can't find that professor is to think up other ideas to present to her. Or listen to her suggestions for stories I could do. Either way I'm shimmying up that totem pole to greatness.

Happy Labor Day!

2011-09-05T16:56:00.000-04:00

Hope ya'll kids have fun on this official last day of summer. Expect the usual stuff tomorrow; I'm kinda out of it today. And I haven't forgotten about the Dominion of NY update. Working on that.

Laterz

Sigh: The BNN (Black News Network)

2011-09-02T14:27:00.000-04:00

Last night I did my first article for that woman from Dominion of New York (update coming later).
The Top 7 Things To Do In Queens-but with an African-American slant. Under regular circumstances I would've banged it out in less than a full-hour. But since I had to sprinkle some Negro-ness into it I couldn't highlight certain places.
Let me tell you, it's not easy finding spots in Queens that would only interest the darkies. Nor is is easy finding said spots that don't include the words "Theatre" or "Hip-Hop" in their names.
The job took me almost 5 hours as punishment. Yet I still have work to do on it.
Sure, the Louis Armstrong House Museum and 5 Pointz are cool spots in Q-Boro. But the Astoria Pool and NY Hall of Science are just as awesome. If only some black-on-black crime happened in those places. It probably has, but who really cares?
The bigger picture here is that I'm starting to get unnerved freelancing and writing for African-American-oriented news outlets.
I mean, I'm all for the "Heey-Hooo" and Afro curls, but after a while it gets to be too much on its own. Black people need these networks because of the historic discrimination they've faced, but would it hurt places like Black Voices and Loop 21 to sometimes speculate about Tom Cruise along with Idris Elba? When all you write about is nothing but stuff geared towards your ethnic/racial group, you automatically exclude other groups.
From a journalistic standpoint, I prefer writing stories that appeal to people from all walks of life. You'll see the occasional "black" articles on HD in Effect here and there. Hell, you're reading one now. But we balance it out with interest stories for the average commoner, no matter how their skin burns in the sun.
For now I guess black news will have to do for the next few months. I'll get bylines and experience writing for Dominion of New York and Our News Now. It'll take longer to write these articles, but that's the price I'll pay.
Watch out though, cause when I get unleashed on the Village Voice I'm gonna make sure you see these black stories as often as you see Justin Bieber in men's clothing at award shows.
Disclaimer: The preceding line will be the final time you hear a JB joke. Seriously.
HD Management

Update: Dominion of New York City

2011-08-31T13:58:00.000-04:00

I'm gonna meet with Kelly this Thursday to discuss ideas for Dominion of New York City. She actually said something interesting when she found out I'm from Queens. Since Q-Boro isn't really known to outsiders like BK or Manhattan, why not report on stories that happen there? I jumped at the thought, and I've already cooked up something small in my head.
I call it "The Best Of Queens." All the stuff that makes my hood ill. It's a working title, but the final one will sound along those lines. There's a Queens article floating around here somewhere, so I gotta make this one a little different than the others.
I feel that way whenever I've done an article on a certain subject before and I have to do it again on another website or publication. Like in my mind I imagine people who read the old version will somehow find the new version and get bored to death. Even if it's nowhere near HD in Effect. I'm an unusual man, folks. But you already knew that.
Kelly also brought up pay and dig this. She says I could get 4 credits freelancing for her. I'm not sure if it's too late for the school to allow that, since classes have already started, but I'm down if it can be done. Stuff's finally popping off for me. Let's hope it stays that way for my sanity.

Irene, The Filthy Media Whore

2011-08-29T12:26:00.000-04:00

So the powerful ~~She-Beast~~ ~~10th Wonder Destroyer of Worlds~~ tropical storm Irene downgraded herself from Boss Lady to just a woman popping off at the mouth. The way the media was talking about her impending arrival you'd think she was The In-Law From Hell.
She brought total destruction to 15 states and offed 27 people with her bitchiness, but apparently New York City was a chick Irene couldn't faze as much.
To her credit, Irene did leave us with some welts across the face. 650 trees were uprooted between Saturday night and Sunday morning. Over 118,000 people were left without any electricity through the city.
The Atlantic Ocean spilled onto the Rockaways. Many neighborhoods were left with massive floods and the entire MTA system remained down until 6 am today. Insofar as she came to do damage, Irene succeeded in her devious plot.
But did she really justify a 24/7 news loop? The Daily News posting a picture of her from the top with "IT'S HERE" in big letters? Bloomy telling us every 30 minutes this was gonna be the one to teach us arrogant New Yorkers a lesson?
If meteorologists hadn't predictied earlier that this might become a tropical storm, then perhaps so. Since the media chose "Hurricane of The Century" as the better tagline, we at HD in Effect gotta call foul.
Spicing up interest stories is what the media does best. It's practically their job. Last winter's blizzard did nearly as much, if not more, damage than Irene did.
The blizzard dumped 20 inches of snow in our area. Just like Irene, it also brought winds totaling 40 mph. Subways, the LIRR and Metro-North had to shut down.
Sanitation was barely able to contain all the white stuff. It even prompted only the third snow day in New York City history.
Yet it didn't get nearly the attention the media doused on Irene. See how they showered her with gifts and called her the most beautifullest thing in the world? All that was missing was a "Welcome, Irene!" sign posted at the entry to the GWB.
Maybe it's because it didn't really reach beyond the state. Maybe I just answered my own question. Maybe we shouldn't totally panic over a hurricane weakening well before it arrives.
I was having a Facebook conversation yesterday about Irene which quickly turned semi-hostile. Barring specifics, a friend wondered if the government orchestrated the Irene media circus. Now, I'm not a regular at the library's conspiracy section.
However, let's not say only crazies support this idea.
The government has controlled the media before. During the 2008 election, then-White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan admitted that the Bush Administration delivered propoganda to Fox News commentators.
Bush force fed his Republican bulldogs corned hash to eliminate all over their audience. Could Obama have instructed the stations to carry non-stop Irene coverage to hide something? Don't say yes off the bat, but don't say no without looking at the government's storied brownosing.
Anyways, I'm glad Irene didn't cause any irreplacable damage to the city.
I also feel for the people who couldn't escape her deadly wrath. The evacuees living in coastal areas made smart decisions to leave when they could. Kudos to the people in higher areas who decided to stay in and not spend money on week-long supplies for a storm that was forcast to leave before Monday.
That said, perhaps it would've been more appros for Bloomberg to tell people that Irene wasn't getting any stronger, but they should practice caution as they would in any other storm. Or to tell Obama to chill on their psuedo-saving-my-image contingency plan, with documents safety tucked in Area 51.

VMA Best New Artist: This Unusual Guy

2011-08-29T11:09:00.000-04:00

I slept through the entire VMA's like a baby. Apparently I missed a hell of a show. Beyonce finally got a Jay-Z junior in her. Here's to hoping he/she doesn't come out looking like his/her dad. Speaking of Jay, since the new VMA trend is interrupting his performances, can I go to the stage with a boombox and play "Ether" during his 2012 slot?
With Gaga confirming her dyke status at the show's start, the night's 3nd biggest biggest shocker was still to come. LA rapper Tyler The Creator won the award for Best New Artist. Beating out Big Sean and Wi Khalifa, Ty's single "Yonkers" garnered him the honor.
I just gave it a listen this morning, and if it's not the freakiest stuff I've heard in a while. Fanfare like telling Jesus to "stop bitchin" and partying in pink panties, the video is equally creepy in that "I know MJ probably didn't touch kids but I'm not completely sure" way.
You know how to work the YouTube assist.

Top Ten Summer WTF's

2011-08-28T15:02:00.000-04:00

As the sun prepares to leave us to Mr. Rain and Ms. Cold for the next 8 months, it's that time to cap another summer. Ya'll might recall we did a prediction piece about what was gonna happen two months ago. None of our predictions came true, but this was still a summer to remember. Let's dive in, shall we?

10. WWE Superstar CM Punk winning the WWE Championship from John Cena: It was the storyline of the season.
CM Punk, angry at his piss poor promotion within the company, promised to take the WWE title with him once his contract expired at midnight on July 18th. At July 17th's Money In The Bank PPV, Punk made good on his promise, GTS'ing Fruity Pebbles to take the strap and begin "The Summer of Punk."

9. Will and Jada splitting up?!!: This past Tuesday, In Touch Weekly announced that Hollywood's favorite black couple was calling it quits after 13 years of matrimony.
Could it be? The only two Tinseltown citizens with no records of domestic, drug, physical or sexual abuse? No longer? Bullspit, according to a statement the two released shortly afterwards, saying they're still together. And that rumor about Jada and Marc Anthony bumping uglies was probably started by some guy mad that "The Fresh Price" got to her before he did.

8. Captain America: The First Avenger: 70 years after his debut, the iconic Captain America finally got his very own adventure on the big screen. Captain America: The First Avenger opened to a respectful $65.8 million in July, outgrossing Thor's debut two months earlier and the X-Men: First Class reboot. Look out for that Avengers movie in May 2012!

7. No More Final Frontiers: In July NASA launched Shuttle Atlantis, marking an end to the 30-year space program. The historic launch capped off 135 interstellar missions which cost $209 billion to operate. Well, Timmy, looks like you're gonna have to learn Russian if you wanna go to the moon in 20 years.

6. Libyan Surge: Libyan rebels managed to take the capital city and stronghold of Muammar Gadhafi in late August. While the 42-year dictator has yet to be found, he's probably using the same mousehole Sadam was in. Hold up-they're both Arab, right?

5. Dat Earthquake: On Tuesday a 5.8 earthquake struck Maryland and Virginia. But the real story was the aftershocks, which made a surprise guest appearance in NYC. We said we'd let you in on our theory about it, but we forgot what it was. So just stick to the "divine intervention to teach us a lesson" script.
On a funny note, I did run into this kid on the train shortly after the aftershocks. He was so scared about another earthquake collapsing the tunnel that he entertained me with this story about another kid whose father always did him in the ass and made him suck it afterwards. Or the other way around. I wasn't really paying attention.

4. DJ-3K: The sun was out. The sky was blue. The Mets were out somewhere disgracing the league as usual. Perfect day for Yankees Captain Derek Jeter to become the first pinstriper to hit 3,000 home runs. Having stayed with the team as a shortstop since 1995. Jeter lead The Bronx Bombers to five World Series victories while raking up 12 All-Star tags for himself. His dedication and effort to the game has made him a permanent NY sports fixture.
To add icing to the cake, Jeter is about to pass Mickey Mantle as the Yankee with the most games under his belt. After today, he'll have played 2,042 games in his career.

3. Synthetic organs: The world's first synthetic windpipe transplant gave a trachea cancer patient a new lease on life in July. Using synthetic scaffolding and the patient's stem cells, the procedure could make trachea transplants more accessible and eliminate the need for donors in the near future. It might even extend to other organs. No snarky stuff here. This is way too important for that.

2. NYC legalizes Gay Marriage: I've written enough on this topic. See my article from July to see why this is no 2 on the list.

1. Dat Hurricane: If this wasn't the epic fail of the season, we don't know what was. Mrs. Irene huffed and puffed towards the city like Chyna when she still juiced. Yet it fell flat, like Chyna when she got off the needle and rode the naked laps of guys for money in her new porno career. Look for a later piece on the hurricane in either a few hours or tomorrow.

Hmm.

2011-08-26T15:07:00.000-04:00

Peep this e-mail I got yesterday afternoon:
Hannington,
I ran across your blog today while searching for writers for a new publication I'm launching. You're a phenomenal writer.
Dominion of New York is a smart and modern website covering New York City's black communities. We will be providing original reporting and analysis of a broad range of topics of interest to those communities, including neighborhood news.
I know you said your blog says you're primarily interested in writing humorous and introspective social commentary. But if you ever get interested in the kind of thing we write about, let me know.
Thanks,
Kelly

I read her website and it's not half bad. She recently did a piece about the DSK case that I'm digging. We talked a bit and I sent her some of my work. I'm waiting for her response. I'm optimistic about what we can do together and if this is legit and it pays, I might just leave my internship earlier than planned. I'll update as things happen.

Where My Path Goes

2011-08-23T15:03:00.001-04:00

(Continued from yesterday's post) So where exactly do I want to end up writing at? There's so many choices to choose from, especially in the city.
You have The NY Amsterdam, The Daily News, and of course The Times, among others. Would I honestly write for any of these rags?'
Upon thinking about this, I arrived at an emphatic, "Not a chance in this lifetime!"
I'm not interested in serving mainstream publications that make careers of shoveling Conservative and Liberal crap into our mouths.
And besides, I need a place that's gonna let my writing style shine without any clean-ups.
Earlier this year I realized only one paper in this town will give me the free will I crave: The Village Voice.
Now I understand NY newspaper aficionados might read that last paragraph and wonder why I would trash mainstream stuff and then say I want to work for a tabloid.
Well, shoot. The NY Post is arguably the biggest tabloid around these parts-they recently called the maid in the DSK case a hooker without any corroborating evidence-but I haven't heard anyone complaining about that.
Or maybe they have and I'm a terrible JIT (Journalist-In-Training). If so, I'll punish myself by jerking it to the old topless broads at Jacob Riis Park.
Moving on, The Village Voice is where I wanna go because it's so different from what normal newspapers offer. You get hard-hitting, edgy social commentary mixed with investigative stories and Asian hooker ads in the back. What more could you ask for in a weekly?
Going back to the edginess for a sec, The Voice has it in bundles. And the bundler behind these aforementioned bundles? None other than one of my favorite writers, Michael Musto.
As one of The Voice's headliners, Musto's columns are usually the first you see after opening the paper.
He's dropped zingers such as: "Why I Hate Religion! 47 Reasons That Will Send Me To Hell", where he tells it like it is about that R-word; "Ever Meet A Real Bi-Sexual?", wondering if bi's are really putting up a front; and "Turn Hollywood Fims Into Pornos! Come On!" which should be self-explanatory.
Are you gonna find these in the Wall Street Journal? I got a golden slinky I'd like to sell you if you can.
If Village is its first name, Investigation is practically The Voice's middle name. Last week's edition highlighted a Brooklyn couple severely injured in a car accident that sent them to the ER last year and the NYPD's incompetence in following up the case. Read it here. You won't find it in any other newspaper.
I can blaspheme, appal and offend to no end if I work with The Voice. See why I want to? And that Michael Musto. He's so me if I was white and got hard-on's for all my guy friends.
Interestingly enough, a small earthquake just hit the tri-state area as I wrote this. So I'mma bounce for now and theorize just how this happened, in my Top Ten Summer WTF's. Check back for that later this week.

TV Dude? Not For Me

2011-08-22T14:41:00.000-04:00

I hate suits. I hate their feel. I hate their constrictions. I hate the stupid ties they come with.
So much so that whenever I'm forced to wear one I use a clip-on.
Of course, I've never learned how to tie a tie, which might have something to do with that hatred.
Newscasters who hate suits have no choice but to wear them almost each and every day. If they hate getting up at 3am to get to the studio at 4 in a suit, they can't bitch about that either. Worse, they have to spend 12 hours smiling at a camera and telling people about the latest person found with bullet holes in The Bronx. Sounds all too...
...something I sure as hell don't want any part of.
Considering the long hours, clothing and close scrutiny that go into being a TV journalist, ehhhh. Sure, you go into the field to report on stuff, the pay is great and you can occasionally rock business causal when live, but my abhorrence for suits is too strong to care.
My plan is still to become a magazine journalist. No exceptions. I won't have to worry about millions of people seeing my blemished face or idiots throwing up gang signs in the background when I'm reporting on scene. Hopefully just a nice, semi-quiet office, surrounded by epic writers and staff.
Maravilloso.
Check back tomorrow to see just what publication I hope to work for one day and why.

Just A Thought: MMA Vs. Boxing

2011-08-21T11:19:00.000-04:00

I've been wondering about this for a few days now. If a professional boxer, such as Roy Jones Jr, took on a professional MMA fighter in a street fight, such as Anderson Silva, who would win?
By street fight I mean a regular, beat em down, old fashioned brawl. No protective gear or any weapons, other than the ones you were born with.
Who would come out on top in that one?
Anyone who watches MMA will recall last year's bout between former IBA heavyweight champ James Toney and former UFC heavyweight champ Randy Couture. In the weeks before the fight, Toney ran off at the mouth, attacking MMA and the octagon legend.
Among his notable quotables was that he looks at "this as a way to let everybody know that boxing reigns supreme."
Toney also said boxers were tougher than MMA fighters, since boxers are constantly punching each other and all MMA guys do is "hug" [clinch].
At UFC 118, it was put up or shut up time for Toney. Would he do it? Would he prove that boxers were in fact more hardcore than MMA fighters? Would he destroy the legendary Couture and go on to dominate the entire UFC?
None of the above. Couture easily submitted Toney in 3 minutes and 19 seconds. Toney went down to the mat less than a half minute into the first round and never got up again. Effectively proving himself to be all talk and no action, Toney quietly faded from the spotlight after the fight.
People have said that the only reason Toney lost was because he's a boxer and therefore un-accustomed to MMA. They also argued that if Couture took on Toney in a boxing match, it would end with him on his back instead.
These people do have a point. In a boxing match, Couture wouldn't be allowed to use any elbows, kicks or submissions against Toney. He'd be like a fish out of water in that environment. So there is a good chance Toney would leave him looking up at the arena lights a few rounds in.
That aside, if you ask me I'd pick Silva over Jones in that street fight. While boxers know how to use their fists, do they know how to use their other body parts in combat? MMA fighters are trained in multiple fighting disciplines, such as Jujutsu, Wing Chun and Taekwondo. Many are trained in boxing and wrestling as well. Somehow I doubt the average boxer knows how to block a leg sweep or takedown or escape a Muay Thai knee clinch.
But who knows? Maybe Jones would KO Silva with one blow. Boxers can hit pretty hard as well.
Anyways, I lay the question to you guys. Who would win?

The World's Oldest Profession: College Edition

2011-08-19T10:10:00.000-04:00

Times nowadays are rough, especially if you're a college student here in New York. CUNY just approved a 2% tuition increase for the Fall 2011 semester, tacking on to the 5% increase added last semester.
Sister institution SUNY is closely following suit, with a $300 raise in tuition for in-state students through the 2015-2016 years. Out of state students will have to cough up an additional $640 to room and board in the Empire State.
Of course, where there's struggling students, there's people willing to lend them a financial hand.
The gamut runs from credit card issuers hunting for fresh prey on campus to commission jobs such as Vector promising $17/hour workrates and $1,000 paychecks.
One website, however, is cashing in on these downtrodden pupils in unique fashion, offering them bundles of that green stuff by way of a sugar daddy or mama.
Launched in 2005, SeekingArrangement.com seeks to hook up students-or sugar babies, as they're called-with wealthy benefactors.
The NYC Metro newspaper profiled the site in their August 3rd edition, bringing it back into the spotlight.
At CCNY, one of CUNY's 23 senior colleges, opinions were split on whether the site can truly help students or if it's a form of modern-day prostitution, as detractors have alleged.
Felix Alglo, 21, believes that Seeking Arrangement romanticizes the world's oldest profession.
"I would agree with that. Mostly because it's just a different way of talking about prostitution," the Kew Gardens native and CCNY junior argued.
"You're doing something to get, you know, sexual intercourse in exchange, you know? Instead of paying money, you're just, you're giving something up, you know?"
Visiting SUNY Delhi sophmore Marcus Tyler, 18, split his views down the middle 50/50, arguing for and against deeming it the harlot's trade.
"Would you call this modern-prostitution? I'm coming up blank, to be honest, "the Bronx native said. "I mean, if it helps them with their college and to better their life for the future, no. But if the sugar daddy or sugar mommy wants to have sexual relations with them because they're supplying the student with loans and whatever, then yeah."
While site owner Brandon Wade did not return HD in Effect's e-mails, the website's blog features plenty of users praising the benefits of dating fellow "sugars."
One commentator, named Realdeal8888, wrote, "The most fantastic thing about a sugar 'relationship' is the freedom! And by that I mean freedom from the games of normal relationships, the freedom to just be yourself."
No June Cleaver SB notes, "There will always be bad stories to share and horrid penis pics to deal with, but with patience and learning/applying some tried and true methods, sugar dating can be the most beautiful thing and enhance lives in such a way that is truly incomprehensible to those in the traditional dating world."
For those who argue that people in sugar relationships are degrading themselves, it should be noted that the site also promotes values found in regular ones.
One of Brandon Wade's Top 5 Rules For Sugar Babies includes being honest with your sugar, since "the best sugar daddy and sugar baby relationships form out of brutal honesty."
Wade even advises that sugar babies refrain from emotional attachment to their sugar moms and dads if the sugar parents aren't willing to put in the same effort.
There's also the underlying issue of non-acceptance by those who know little about sugars and their bonds.
If two consenting adults (you have to be at least 18 to register) agree to come together in a relationship, with one party showering the younger one with gifts and the older one getting a short or long-term partner, who are we to say what they're doing is wrong?
The arguments are compelling on both sides. You can say that this is sexual degradation, attuned for the 21st Century.
In the same vein, these relationships often include actual romantic and emotional connections. Maybe the students who use this as a final resort could work harder for loans or scholarships, but maybe the students who actually WANT to do this could do so without judgement.
But with coverage from Playboy to The New York Times, one thing is clear. SeekingArrangement isn't going anywhere anytime soon.

Only In NYC

2011-08-18T13:50:00.000-04:00

I found this backwards-up sign in Greenpoint, at the foot of the Pulaski Bridge that connects Brooklyn and Queens. I'd say it's a product of some ghetto design, but Greenpoint is actually a decent neighborhood. Let's chalk it up to some drunken Europeans and call it a night.

They Don't Get No Respect

2011-08-17T10:01:00.000-04:00

According to MTA.Info, 5,156,913 New Yorkers used the New York City Subway during every average weekday in 2010. Considering that The Big Apple has a population totaling 8,175,133, this means our subway system serves over half the city's population on any given Monday.

Taking the train to work, school or to meet with friends is arguably the best way to get around.
It saves money, cuts traffic on our clogged transportation arteries and reduces our carbon footprints, helping the environment.
Most New Yorkers will cite subways as their main public transport medium. Which makes the most sense when you think about it.
The majestic silver snakes that rumble beneath our feet can transport higher capacities of people at faster rates.
And those cool mosaics and repetitive, synchronized dancers with red pants make the trip even more worthwhile.
Stuck in the loop of 24/7 subways, inter-state rails and planes, however, are what I like to call "The Unsung Road Warriors." What are these asphalt-tearing, street sign-quaking behemoths I speak of?
Buses.
We can go on and on about how useless they are in comparison to our speeding locomotives, but truth be told, we need buses more than we realize.
Consider the size of a NYC Boro. Since I'm a biased jerk, I'm gonna choose Queens. Now for those who routinely skipped NYC History 101, Queens is geographically the largest boro in the city. Stretching 178.28 square miles, Queens County handily beats out Kings County-the most populated boro-in sheer girth. Brooklyn comes in at 96.90 square miles.
Shortly after the 1940s the subway system stopped expanding before it could reach all of Queens. This would place farther neighborhoods such as Bayside, Hollis, Whitestone and Cambria Heights at a great disadvantage.
To compensate for forgetting how big Queens really is (and the city cutting their budget), the MTA has placed numerous bus routes at station terminals in the boro's eastern section.
The 179th Street Station on the IND Queens Boulevard Line has 16 bus lines outside, ready to take passengers to 200th Street and beyond. Herein exposes one of the greatest weaknesses in any subway or rail system.
Simple logic will dictate that there are more roads in the world than train tracks. As a result, buses can go to places trains simply can't.
Imagine how much harder those 179ers who live next to the Nassau County border would have it if there were no buses waiting once the F train went out of service.
While these areas do have the Long Island Railroad at their disposal, the LIRR is already more expensive than the subway, especially during peak hours. Since the trains are more spaced out, that also means longer waiting times on average. Not much help there.
Moving on, anyone remember that awesomely cool blackout? The one that happened eight years ago this month? It knocked out power across the Eastern Board and gave cabbies their biggest payday in years.
Ironically I was on a bus at the exact moment the blackout happened. Traffic lights were ko'ed and you could forget about the trains. Unlike a vehicle's battery, those pesky third rails need the city's juice to keep the underground running.
My bus never lost power during that shutdown. Neither did the other buses I saw, crammed with people who probably took them for granted before, but were crawling to them like newborn sea turtles trying to reach the water.
Even though the subway was useless during the blackout, the buses were there to pick up the slack and take people home. Yet once the power came back on, those people pushed them aside and rode the 1 to work, forgetting about the wheeled monsters that saved them hours before.
How about when construction necessitates that certain subway line sections be shut down for a weekend? The M train's trackwork schedules have shuttered service between Myrtle Ave-Broadway and Middle Village-Metropolitan Avenue a few times this year.
Who you gonna call? The shuttle buses that ensured regular M riders still made it home to Central Queens.
Buses do so much for us and expect nothing in return. They complement subway terminals and operate in situations where trains don't. You can count on them during blackouts and subway disruptions.
They're like the designated driver in your group of buddies on a Saturday night bar binge. While everyone else is egging you to chug another whiskey shot, he's sitting in the corner, minding his business. But when it's time to go and you're confident you can still drive in a straight line, that's when he takes the keys, puts you in the back seat and drops you off at home.
They don't have the computerized voices of an R-160 or the speed of a Boeing 747, but buses are dang sure reliable when nothing else is.
Remember that the next time you feel like hating on em.

Facebook: 2/4/04-11/05/11?

2011-08-15T09:49:00.000-04:00

Facebook's caused more than a few headaches over the years. From ethering job prospects because they posted photos of themselves "dropping it like it's hot" in their bathroom mirrors the day before the interview to people putting up TMI statuses about catching cheating exes, everyone's got a story to tell about the famed social-networking site.
We'd like to think these stories go away after we shut down out accounts, but the reality is often much worse than the assumption.

Earlier this year, Facebook announced controversial plans to share users' home numbers and addresses with external websites and Third-Party developers.
While the company said it would carefully monitor what info the sites receive, does anyone really buy that?
Who's to say the Book' doesn't sell away your pictures and updates after you leave for good?
Well, one group out there is sick of Facebook's constant intrusions into user privacy, and plans to do something about it real soon.
Anonymous, a "hacktivist" group straight outta California, recently released this video for mass consumption.
Their ultimate plan is to take down Facebook on November 5, 2011 for our benefit. According to Anonymous, Mark Zuckerburg's been selling your online bizness to government agencies and security firms to create a world spying ring.
Also arguing that changing your privacy settings is futile, the group chose the 5th of the 11th month for a symbolic reason.
On that day 406 years ago, British turncoat Guy Fawkes conspired with 12 other men to blow up the Parliament House in response to James I's intolerance towards Catholicism.
Even though the plan failed and Fawkes was captured and executed, England commemorates every November 5th as Bonfire Day.
The anti-government theme in this annual celebration seems to have struck a chord with Anonymous. And before you characterize them as rogue amateurs, these guys previously hacked into Visa accounts, Iran's government e-mails and even the Pentagon.
Just a bunch of young nerdy punks with nothing better to do? Or simple practice for the grand finale in three months? #udecide.'

HRC Campaign

2011-08-12T12:32:00.000-04:00

Make no mistake, people.
Just because New York has finally allowed the LBGTQ community to be as miserable as its hetero counterparts doesn't mean discrimination is taking a hike. This was no more obvious to me than yesterday afternoon. As I strolled along 5th Ave and 23rd Street with a friend we bumped into a Human Rights Campaign spokeswoman.
The HRC is the nation's largest LBGTQ civil rights group, and the spokeswoman told me something that blew my mind.
Apparently it's legal in 29 states to discriminate against people based on their sexual orientation; 35 can do it based on gender identity or expression.
That means employers in these states can deny LBGTQ's promotions, harass and even fire them with no fear of repercussion (You already know Texas is hidden somewhere in this equation).
These anti-gay states have a bigger impact on LBGTQ's than most would imagine. According to a study by the Center For Work-Life Policy, 48% of college educated gays keep their sexuality hidden in the workplace.
A correlating find during the study is that most straight men and women prefer that gays keep their orientation secret in the workplace. Of course, these are the same guys who make water-cooler talk about their after hours strip-club activities and brag about slamming Suzy down at accounting. And the girls who chatter, "I was faking it the entire time" while working on that group presentation due at 3.
You know, this reminds me of that one word we Americans like to throw in other countries' faces. What is it again? "Op..erate?" "Ob..serve?" Oh, yes. "Opportunity." The one promise we grant to people from all walks of life who inhabit our borders.
And that extends to the work industry.
Just look at Title VII of the 1964 Civil Rights Act, stating that it is illegal for an employer "to fail or refuse to hire or to discharge any individual, or otherwise to discriminate against any individual with respect to his compensation, terms, conditions, or privileges of employment, because of such individual’s race, color, religion, sex, or national origin."
Notice the absence of two other words? Here's a hint. They start with "sexual" and end with something starting with "O" and ending with "N." No? That's okay. I'm sure the founding fathers couldn't figure it out either.
The HRC is trying to counteract this blatant bias against the community by introducing the Employment Non-Discrimination Act.
If passed, it would provide full protection to all LBGTQ workers on the job. I'm doing my small part by promoting it here, but maybe you can do something about it too. Like call the Senate and ~~threaten to organize a mass gay sex orgy on the streets of DC if they don't pass it~~ try persuading them to pass this for full equality.
And by the way, try figuring out that word when you get a chance.

Gaming Kills

2011-08-10T08:52:00.000-04:00

Warcraft enthusiasts, be warned.

A young man from the UK died this past May shortly after putting in a 12-hour Halo session.
Christopher Staniforth was known for playing video games well into the night and beyond. Upon completing what was to be his last time mashing an X-Box comptroller, Stainforth complained of chest pains.
The next morning, he collapsed on the spot and never recovered.
Stainforth suffered a fatal blood clot that rose from a leg vein into his lungs. This is referred to as a pulmonary embolism, when a main artery in the lungs gets blocked. The usual culprit behind this condition is DVT, or "Deep Vein Thrombosis."
DVT is more likely in people who sit for extended periods of time without moving around, sustain trauma to their blood vessels through leg damage and have pre-existing medical conditions such as pregnancy.
Staniforth remained seated every time he played video games, with no breaks in between.
Well, what can we take away from this? Other than you might need another hobby if your half-day gaming sessions are taking up half your life?
Get some exercise here and there. You don't have to rent a Billy Blanks Taebo video, but at least take a 30-minute walk a few days per week. Or buy those Shakeweight dildos that are so popular with desperate women nowadays.
And by the way, Staniforth's dad has started a website aimed at teaching young people the dangers of not taking breaks while plugged in. You can also find out more about DVT there. Just go to http://www.take-time-out.info/

Ms.Black's New Track

2011-08-08T19:31:00.000-04:00

Well, it's better than "Friday," but she still sounds like an American Idol reject. Thoughts?

The Case of The Closet Africans

2011-08-05T10:23:00.002-04:00

All African countries that vehemently oppose homosexuality are secretly GAY. Or at least the Kikuyu tribe members out in Kenya. Seriously though. Read about their penis envy at http://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2011/08/in-kenya-forced-male-circumcision-and-a-struggle-for-justice/242757/.
Finished? Let's discuss.
First off, how about that Walter guy? He must've had quite a rousing time getting dragged through filthy slums, grown men getting off on slapping his 16-year old tail with machetes.
It already sounds like the intro to a queered-up S&M movie with Britney Spears as the main star, getting manhandled by 20 African men.
Mmm, every white woman's fantasy.
Couldn't you feel the thinly-veiled eroticism creep up on you as you scrolled through the details, until the homo part slapped you across the face with its cummy hand?
*AHEM*.
"First, they took off my pants, and they started mocking me because I was wearing only my underwear. And they ripped off my underwear using a panga."
That's slang for a two-foot long bush knife, for those of you who didn't know
(HD's note: It should also be stated that "panga" sounds eerily similar to "pinga," which is Spanish slang for "dick").
Finally, we reach the orgasmic conclusion:
"The man with the panga pulled my foreskin out and started to play with it. He would slice it a little, and then he started mocking me, and then he would slice a little more, and then mock me some more."
Ooo, la, laaaa! So we have capturing an underage boy, pulling down his pants, playing with his intact raw hide, then cutting it off.
Forget this being Britney's breakout role. This sounds like what Roman Polanski would film if he were a few shades darker. Hell, he probably already has a copy hidden somewhere in his house, next to all the child porn.
Truthfully speaking, there's nothing wrong with being gay. HD in Effect is an LBGTQ-friendly site. What we do have a problem with is the Kikuyu men cutting and playing with another male's popsicle while presenting themselves as straight.
Even worse, they claim this is the way to bring young boys into manhood. That's like saying following a book supporting rape, slavery and incest is the only way to eternal salvation. The rest of us are damned.
Oh wait.
Apparently, many Luos are subjected to this insane practice. Further proving how scared they are to reach for the doorknob, the Kikuyus have a special word for un-circumcised Luo boys: "kihii." They're scared of being governed by a kihii. So much so that they don't allow them to participate in dowry negotiations or other "manly" practices.
A bunch of dudes who are so concerned with whether their politicians' penises are trimmed they won't accept any who aren't? Cue R. Kelly's "Trapped in The Closet" in your minds. We don't feel like posting the 1-12 chapters here.

Happy 50th, O-Man!

2011-08-04T13:49:00.000-04:00

You're the first president to start a war with Africa, you've barely done anything to improve the economy and your latest Gallup approval rating is a measly 42%.
But rather than remind you of what you've done, we at HD in Effect would rather push that aside and toast your 50 years on the planet.
As expected, people in Harlem are planning some big Negro get together for your born day. We'll just wish you another half-century of prosperation (new word first heard here, folks!) and happiness.
And that Nissan develops that boy-ejector car you want for Malia now that her tits are gonna show up on the male radars at school.

Feel Like Fightin'

2011-08-03T12:04:00.000-04:00

"I feel like fighting. I feel like punching somebody." Such were the words of a former high school classmate, relayed to me through another high school classmate-and best friend-this past weekend at Coney Island.
After opening my email last night and seeing a "Writer's Evaluation Email" from Demand Studios, the freelance company I work with, I'm starting to feel much like that girl who channeled Mike Tyson through her veins years ago in those sophomoric halls.
I want to set-up stories with mind-boggling scenarios that leave people amped. My fingers are aching to attack this keyboard with their harshest and most striking social commentary. This three-pound muscle encased in my skull is running 1,000 miles a minute right now.
My employers have placed me in the program because they don't think my writing is up to snuff with their standards.
Never mind the fact that they published the 300+ articles I shipped their way. Or that I took great steps to improve my writing quality since my previous evaluation, resulting in much fewer re-write requests and higher grammar and research scores. I'm being classified as a terrible writer-something I obviously know is complete bull-fecal matter.
Apparently I have three chances to send in higher-quality pieces. One rejection and I'm finished. To make matters worse, my article claiming limit has been reduced from 10 at any time to 3. I also have a smaller selection of articles to choose from the queue. Basically, my company is doing everything they can to send me back to the unemployment lane.
And I thank them for that. I thank them for saying I don't know anything about breathing life into their asininely-titled How-To's behind a computer screen. Because that just lit a flaring ember under my coccyx bone to show the world once more how ill I really am with this writing ish. As of this post, my hiatus is officially done.
I'll take their "test" to see if they still want me, but I know the real platform for my burgeoning rage.
HD's back, and he's angry, focused and ready to drop bombs.

Stand back.

Taking a break

2011-07-24T21:16:00.001-04:00

First off, I know I broke my three day promise again recently, but that factors into why I'm taking a hiatus. My brain's writing section is completely fried.
Apparently the cooling systems have malfunctioned (damn you, blazing NYC weather) and I have to perform some maintenance work. That might take up to two or more weeks . So in the meantime, feel free to scour the archive section and comment.
And look at this funny picture.
I will return!

Ultimate Marvel Vs Capcom 3?

2011-07-21T10:27:00.000-04:00

Well, we didn't see this coming from the same company which released Super Street Fighter IV for less money and 10 more characters than SFIV. Less than a full year after its release, Marvel Vs Capcom 3 is going ultimate.

Ultimate MVC 3 will be hitting stores this November. Featuring 12 additional characters-including Hawkeye, Frank West and Ghost Rider-you can rest assured that you were smart to buy the original.
Give yourself a hand.
For those of you pissed that Capcom is essentially pulling the same bullshit with its other fighting franchise, don't fret.
(Maybe) These additional characters will appear as DLC. Knowing them though, you pissed away $60 for an unfinished game while your buddies will be able to shell out $20 less for the final product. Feel stupid? Most of the gaming nation feels your pain.

Bad Teacher: Movie Review

2011-07-18T11:41:00.000-04:00

Disclaimer: Bad Teacher came out last month, but I only saw it this Friday. I'm not a movie buff, so bite me.

HD Management

Bad Teacher is a comedy filled with pre-teen humor and sexual overtones, just what this 20-something generation craves. It's what Superbad would be if Evan and Seth spent the entire movie in school.
Cameron Diaz plays Elizabeth Halsey, a teacher just like your 6th grade teacher-someone who could care less about their pupils. After 1 year at John Adams Middle School in Illinois, Halsey is ready to quit and mooch off her rich boyfriend, but when she finds him at home with his over controlling mom, the writing on the wall becomes evident.
Single and needing a new sugar daddy, Halsey returns to school and quickly falls for new teacher Scott Delacorte, played by Justin Timberlake.
Mind always working, she schemes to pay for a boob job to attract him (or another guy with deep pockets). Unfortunately, she has to contend with sneaky co-worker Amy and the entire staff in the process. And how about those students she barely even notices in class?
Bad Teacher has its funny moments, dry humping and all. There aren't really any halts in the laughs, but it doesn't exactly deserve "Best 2011 Comedy" yet. Maybe "Best Summer 2011 Comedy" at most. It's another sophmoric humor flick in a line of them. Deserves a view, but you probably won't remember it as long as you'll remember McLovin. Simple, but it works for what it is.

A Boy's Murder: Male Aggravation and Female Victimization

2011-07-17T16:58:00.000-04:00

Leiby Kletzky's gruesome murder at the hands of Levi Aron in Borough Park last week is capturing headlines and stunning city residents. People are still asking themselves why a man would commit such an act on an innocent little boy.Understandably, many parents are re-considering letting their children wander the streets alone. In Thursday's amNew York, Manhattan psychotherapist Doe Lang argued that kids who become lost must learn skills such as calling home, 911 or seeking help from a woman with kids instead of a man.
To bolster the latter argument, the article boasted Bureau of Justice Statistics of kids under five killed between 1976 and 2005. A shocking 23% of the killers were males. So therefore, kids who are lost should never seek help from a man, because chances are, they're going to be killed if they do so.
Makes perfect sense.
After all, our population has set in stone the natural law that says men are always the dangerous ones. We're a bunch of devious, perverted ingrates who desire nothing less than raping all women who cross our paths and leering at them when we're not on "rape-time."
All of us mercilessly beat our women and make them bring us chilled Colas and roast beef sandwiches while we watch Spike TV on the recliner.
Do ignore another batch of 2009 statistics from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, showing that mothers caused 27.3% of child deaths from abuse that year. Fathers caused 14.8%. It's okay that these numbers are supposedly high because mothers are the primary caregivers. That excuse means you can beat your naggy wife, say, "The bitch was stressing me out," and others will come to your defense.
Oh wait. You have a penis. Nevermind.
Ladies, tell your kids that if they're trying to find their way home and see me the street, they should walk the other way, because I'm going to cut them up into small pieces and stick their severed feet in my oven.
I'm just being a guy is all.